I'm a hypocrite and I hate myself
A couple months ago I got a job at a weight loss clinic, and I even started on their program. I lost almost 20 pounds in a month which was awesome, but I wasn't able to stick with it. Eventually I started binging again, and I was even caught by my husband with wrappers stuffed in my car. (Eating while driving is a huge trigger for me). He told me I was a hypocrite for giving so many other people advice on how to eat healthy and lose weight, yet I'm stuffing my face. I know he's right and it bothers me. I've never been fully able to control my eating disorder, either binging heavily or starving myself. I haven't started myself since 2016, but I haven't stopped binging since. Now I have my dream job of helping other people lose weight, and I can't even help myself. Part of me wants to starve again, but I know that isn't healthy. I just want a healthy relationship with food. How can I teach people how to have a healthy relationship with food and then not have one myself? I feel awful and I've been holding this all in for about 2 months now. I just want to be okay with food, but I dont think I'll ever be. It scares me.
@GracetheSpaceCase
I read your post at a time when I too was feeling hypocritical and down on myself. So I know exactly how that feels.
However, I think you might underestimate the value of your advice. Someone like you, who has been there and knows the struggle, can probably give much more meaningful advice than someone who knows all the theory but has never experienced it.
I don't know if this will be at all helpful to you, I apologise if it isn't, but just tonight you have helped me by reminding me that I'm not alone with this self doubt. You have value and your experience has value. I can see that as an outsider, and you've helped me remember I have value too.
My best wishes and thanks, to you, stranger.
Thank you for believing in me. Your words are so kind :) I appreciate you reaching out