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GracieDay
532 M Embraced 4
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts31 Forum posts6 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2023 Member sinceJanuary 5, 2019
Recent forum posts
36, mental breakdown- feeling unloved
Newbie Hub / by GracieDay
Last post
 October 15th, 2021
...See more Says it's all in the title. 13 years with the same man and I can tell you how many times he said I love you with the fingers on my one hand. I'm someone who's always needed love needed approval. Wouldn't be so bad if I hadn't told him numerous times that I needed to hear it I need it to feel it I needed to see it and not just by him doing my laundry and washing dishes keeping clean house. His love was conditional it only came if I helped with the dishes very helped with cleaning the house where my depression anxiety and the overworking nature of myself have made me sleep and sleep and sleep and just play on my phone reading instead of doing those things. So it's official circle for years on end where I feel unlovable and that my love is conditional. That's just the main problem left my job in April because management changed and this management started making me feel little and like I didn't know things and started talking by my back and the owner didn't see it the way I did and it got turned around on me I became the bully I became someone that was too hard to work with and that nobody in the building wanted to work with and I quit because I felt I had no voice. I know how to lawsuit for constructive dismissal as I tried to take my verbal resignation back and days said no. I've had more deaths than I can even process since just before covid started and none of them covid related ones that have had to be go on to work through ones that I've had to just pretend didn't happen because I just can't deal with them. I've learned some horrible information about an ex's dad who may or may not have been in contact with my daughter. My new job I feel undervalued and underappreciated and have no real option for growth because there's people there that have made an assumption about me from day one and treat me differently than others such things as when they're having conversations with me and two other people they'll only make eye contact with the two other people and not myself or when I jump into a conversation once she just stared at me for like what had to be like 15-20 minutes straight and then just look back to the person she was having the conversation with and pretended like it ever happened. We read a preschool room for two and a half years with my coworkers and now I am a cleaner of a preschool room and a cover during their shifts which is such a downgrade. When I decided to possibly leave my boyfriend pack my stuff up my 15-year-old daughter said to me "when you're 12 you get to choose where you want to stay it's not like I'll never see you again" I'm not sure if I want to work in the field I'm in anymore. I'm not sure what I want. I want to be loved. I want a man who when I'm falling apart holds me and takes on my issues too so it's not so hard to bear. But I look horrible leaving the man who fathered my daughter for 13 years. It took a crisis situation for him to finally say he loves me and cry in my arms but doesn't mean he will treat me any differently. Well my that's just my issues that came to mind first so that's a little bit about me I guess
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