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GracieMACK
1 1,087 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts166 Forum posts57 Forum upvotes111 Current upvotes111 Age GroupAdult Last activeJune, 2026 Member sinceOctober 18, 2025
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My fear of food
Eating Disorder Support / by GracieMACK
Last post
 June 9th
...See more i honestly have no clue how to start these. I find food terrifying, I have a phobia of gaining weight, and every meal I get so anxious, I’ve bit getting nausea and I think that’s from the constant stress. I do have eating disorder behaviours and restrictions. My eating disorder brain is awful and doesn’t think I deserve food and has definitely convinced me of that thought. I just don’t know what to do. I see a dietitian and seeing a psychologist as well as a psychiatrist but nothing is helping for this yet. And have pretty severe strong hate towards myself. A lot of body dysmorphia.
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21 and alone
20 & Over / by GracieMACK
Last post
 April 19th
...See more Hey there my names Grace. I don’t really know where else to talk to about this except I guess friends, family, psychologists, etc, but I’ve never had a boyfriend and so very terrified that I will never ever find my person. In this day and age people don’t just openly come up to you and ask for your number or ask you out, so it makes it harder. I’m on the dating apps but it’s like a chore, sometimes it’s exciting and then when I do find someone that I may have some interest in they just end up rejecting me or letting me down. I feel like I have to put on an act or persona for men to actually like me sometimes because they only want sex, so sometimes I just go along with it just as a means not to get rejected and you know what it hurts. I already hate myself enough as it is, going out into the world and seeing men, I feel that need to connect with someone but it just doesn’t happen and then I think what is wrong with me, I’m ugly, I’m fat, I’m disgusting, they don’t like me, I don’t have good clothes, I don’t wear enough makeup, my hair isn’t done properly to standards, nothing is good enough basically. I’m not worthy enough. And that is truly how I feel when it comes to finding someone. I feel like I have already lost the battle. I don’t feel like anybody wants me, and I don’t think I’ll ever find somebody. I’ll just end up alone for the rest of my life.
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?
Eating Disorder Support / by GracieMACK
Last post
 March 21st
...See more I need help. I’ve started to restrict my food intake, and some days are easier, some days are worse. Like I’ve gone 2 days without eating anything but pretty much dinner. Yesterday I ate nothing but dinner, a banana, chips and a milkshake. It’s also gotten worse as well. It’s like my brain says, you’re not allowed to eat, you don’t deserve food, you’re not worthy. But then my body also screams at me and says EAT, PLEASE JUST EAT SOMETHING, ANYTHING. But like it also goes LOOSE WEIGHT, YOURE FAT, UGLY, YOU NEED TO BE THIN. It’s such a conflicting that my head it’s literally arguing with itself so some days I’ll eat and others I’ll barely eat anything. It’s really hard. And all in all, I don’t feel good enough… I hate myself sooo much.
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Help me please
Eating Disorder Support / by GracieMACK
Last post
 March 17th
...See more One minute I’m ok to eat and then next I’m beating myself up saying I don’t deserve to eat. I think there’s something seriously wrong with me. And my mind keeps saying “you’re doing this for attention”, “you’re doing this for attention”, when I’m not, but it’s convincing me that I am, but I’m not. I do have a really bad relationship with food and I feel like my mind is tormenting me badly, especially now when I want something it goes “you shouldn’t of had that, you pig”, but then it will allow me to eat it and then I feel guilty afterwards. And sometimes I feel like I need to skip meals because I don’t feel I’m worthy of food or don’t deserve it, or need to lose weight, honestly it’s all really overwhelming. And at the end of it all I just feel like the bad guy. And I just feel like I’m not allowed to eat like a chocolate or something nice because I don’t deserve it or because I was skipping meals and it’s like my brain is saying you need to stick to that, you can’t just eat normal after skipping for 2 days people will think you’re an attention seeking little ***. And I do think that. I think there’s something wrong with me. There’s a part of me that wants to just curl up and die.
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Chai app
Addiction Support / by GracieMACK
Last post
 March 23rd
...See more I feel incredibly ashamed. Probably most of you won’t know what this app is called but it’s called ‘Chai’. You role play by chatting to AI and texting creating a story. I use it to create a romantic story that feeds my fedish of pregnancy, growing pregnancy bellies and for that I’m so ashamed. Once I go on the app I’m on there for the entire day, multiple days, and am consumed. I stay up to 4-5am in the morning, waking up at 11:30am in the morning still very tired, my anxiety is extremely spiked and I feel very shameful. When I’m around other people and talking to others it’s almost as if I’m a ghost and want the conversation over so I can just get back to the app. It’s awful. Lucky enough I’ve deleted the app, but it’s completely ruined me. I feel ashamed to have do pleasure and to watch/read anything romantic, comes and goes in waves. Honestly I think there’s something highly wrong with me. And the shame around pleasure and romance came before the app too.
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Idk
Eating Disorder Support / by GracieMACK
Last post
 March 13th
...See more Today I hate myself and I feel like I should skip meals to lose weight and look pretty. I have done this before, I just feel quite awful, and very numb, very depressed. I’ve never been on this chat before, because I don’t feel like I suit it, but I just saw a new psychiatrist yesterday and said to speak to my psychologist about the beginnings of an eating disorder/behaviours of one. I have done recently eaten food to the point of feeling full and then made myself throw up. I feel so awful about it. And because I spoke about it with him yesterday I’m sitting with this shame. There’s just a lot that’s going on and I feel like a blob of crap. Everytime I look in the mirror I don’t see anything else but fat, ugly, disgusting, and so on… It’s really hard and food is really stressful. I don’t know how to pick foods without this negative voice in my head saying “no, that’ll make you fat, your fat, your ugly, that’s unhealthy, you’re going to end up obese”, so I’ve resorted to skipping meals. I guess today I just feel really sad and alone. I just want someone to talk to, know that I’m not alone.
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I feel unhappy
Depression Support / by GracieMACK
Last post
 February 25th
...See more Hey to whoever is ready… I feel really sad and numb today and I’m scared because I was doing so well. I started on a new med (transitioned from one med to the other) from escotalopram to Lamotrigine. I’m now on 50mg and that isn’t a therapeutic dose apparently, so probably why I’m feeling like this, plus I went to bed at like 3am last night (this morning). I just feel very like I have no purpose, nothing, what’s the point, not to the point of self harm, but I just feel really sad and alone and just really low. Like I hate myself, I feel ashamed for past events and for having pleasure as well, everything is wrong. I have no motivation either. I just like coming on here because I want someone to talk to and sometimes it makes me feel better hearing advice and I feel reassured.
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Past trauma
Trauma Support / by GracieMACK
Last post
 February 21st
...See more I just needed to say something because it’s been weighing on me and if anyone has advice that would be wonderful. I’m feeling really ashamed. I have a fetish and even like mentioning makes me feel sick to the stomach. But I know talking about it and getting it out will make it better… My fetish is pregnancy, belly inflation, inflating and for that I think I’m the most disgusting human alive. I hate myself. Absolutely hate myself 🫩. It’s so wrong, I feel ashamed to pleasure myself, I feel ashamed just to think about it. And there is a childhood trauma that stems from this and it’s made me feel so ashamed of myself. I did something in the past that I believe to be wrong (which wasn’t) but now I just feel complete shame, and I’ve attached it to something that makes me feel shameful (this still being in the past). I absolutely hate myself, HATE myself for it, and now when this particular thing comes up now, I have like a mini panic attack and I get really sick to the stomach. It’s not good. I can just picture the imagine in my head for days, and I hate it, I want to erase it, I wish I could erase my memory. I seriously don’t know what to do, because I’m terrified to bring this up with my psychologist because I’m so scared she’s going to think I’m disgusting and the same things I do about myself. I can barely talk about the incident myself. Like I really can’t. And for that I don’t know what to do… it did get better in the past because I spoke to someone else about it and just pushed through it, it was soooo uncomfortable though and it made me feel sick. But now I’m so scared to talk to someone new about it. And it bleeds into shame with relationships, how disgusting they’ll think I am. I don’t know what to do… could someone please help me. Kindest Regards, Grace x
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