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Grapezz
1 1,031 M Little Steps 2
PathStep 11 Compassion hearts35 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2025 Member sinceAugust 28, 2022
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For a split second I was a man?
LGBTQ+ / MOGII Support / by Grapezz
Last post
 August 29th, 2022
...See more Okay so I think I may be struggling with DID but I’m not quite sure. This thing happened to me the other day though, and because im so confused about my general mental health, idk if this is a DID symptom or just my brain playin gender games. so, I’m cis female, and I’ve always felt very boyish. Recently, within the past couple of years, since 2018 ish, I’ve been bouncing back and forth with how I identify. I’ve been in the closet this whole time though, because I switch around so often, I wanted to get my own stuff figured out before I made it public. So first I was gender fluid, then I was just a bi girl ( apparently a lot of bi girls have a tom boy phase) then I was just a girl who used masculinity as a way to kind of assert authority, then I was gender neutral, then I was gender queer, then I was just “I am me, gender is a human concept, I’m not even this human body so why does gender matter”, then I was a gender, then I was pangender, and currently I’m back to gender queer. the other day I was hanging out with my friend though, and I don’t remember what I said specifically, but I said something about me having a boyfriend. I shocked myself by saying that because I didn’t I know that I was gay. So then I kind of just went on with life for a few seconds before I realized… wait how tf can I be gay I’m a woman. this is really hard to explain but do you kind of understand what I’m saying. My complete soul mind and body just was a boy for a few seconds. The difference between that specific moment and the past few years is that I’ve always kind of just felt like “hey… it would be kind of cool if I was a man”, but it was never like I thought that I was actually a guy like I did in that moment. I literally though “ wait… boyfriend.. I’m not gay I need a girlfriend”. And then my brain switched back to “normal” and I’m so confused. The reason why I think that this could have to do with DID is bc well… I feel like that’s kind of self explanatory lmao. This was a completely new thing that has never happened to me before, ever. Like a blind person can think about what it’s like to see, but thinking about what it’s like to see is completely different from actually seeing. It’s like I saw for the first time.
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