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Grievance
131 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2021 Member sinceMarch 8, 2021
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I don't know what to say...

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Gym Anxiety, or Body Image ***Trigger Warning***
Anxiety Support / by Grievance
Last post
 March 13th, 2021
...See more Sorry for the writing style. I'm working on it. The first time in five years, I went to the gym. Over the years my body's changed from the statue of David to "What the hell is that". I thought there'd be others like me there, but I was surprised to see. The gym was crawling with supermodels. Only there to scare off the fatties and r*****s. I felt like they all were staring and watching me. Each time one of those Ken and Barbie wannabes would walk by me I'd whisper "Get away from me" and "leave me alone". I stood out from the "people from Olympus". I felt like a fat sweaty mentally ill blob that shouldn't be seen in public. My whole life I struggled with body image. I never thought I was thin or fit, even when I was. I nearly killed myself being bulimic in my late teens to mid 20's. I guess this was brought on by my family. I was always body shamed by them, although my mother was diabetic, my father was WELL over 136kg(300lbs), and my siblings were always overweight. I remember my father used to make me stand in front of the mirror and lift my shirt up (or rip the shirt off me) and tell me I'm fat. And it wasn't only at home, but at church too. They'd even touch my body and talk about how fat I was. I don't know if it's scary or sad, but I wasn't fat. Didn't those (expletive) know that calling me "fat" would affect me in the long run? Didn't they care if it did? No way. I was never allowed to feel good about myself around them and I don't know why.
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