Guudmourning Member Profile

...See more Hey guys. I’m posting this because I’ve been feeling weird about it. And not in a good way. I (M29) have a boyfriend (M31), and we have been together over the last 17 months. We’ve always had issues with sex. I take medication that kills my drive and my ability. So most of our relationship sex was either one-sided, or not satisfying for me. We had an issue last year in June. He was over at my house, and he wanted sex. I tried to tell him I didn’t feel like it, because sometimes I don’t even wanna try and get the disappointment and discouragement when it doesn’t work out. So he told me that even though I don’t want to, as a boyfriend I should help take care of his needs, because that’s what boyfriends too. And when I explained that I don’t want to, things get tense. He explained to me that if I can’t and that doesn’t mean I should hold back from him. So I went along with it, but when he was finished, he rolled me over and I was just in tears and pain. We broke up a few days later, I broke up with him. I felt really uncomfortable, and it triggered old sexual abuse trauma, and I couldn’t trust or look at him. Now, here we are in 2024. April. We were lying next to each other in bed playing video games. And he put my hand into his lap. We started, until his friends signed into a game online, where he ran to the computer. Now, a few minutes in, not just like 5, like I was there for maybe 15-20 minutes, he was focusing on the game. I stopped, and told him it doesn’t look like he’s gonna finish and I’m getting tired. He replied to me by grabbing my head, forcing it down and saying “I didn’t tell you to stop. It doesn’t matter, I didn’t say stop,” with his hand on the back of my head. He proceeded to take his phone out and record me. At that point I just stopped and stared because I was taken back, and I was extremely uncomfortable. To which he grabbed my head and put it back down. I consented at first, but the longer it went I didn’t want to do it. But because I went with it, it’s not sexual abuse right? It gives me anxiety to think about, and now whenever he asks because I don’t wanna say no to him. I don’t want anymore problems.

Bio

Recent forum posts

Talk to an expert therapist

Sharing your depressive thoughts and feelings may be scary and overwhelming, so...

About Us

Get Started

Online Therapy

Terms

Bio