I don’t know how I feel about it.
Hey guys. I’m posting this because I’ve been feeling weird about it. And not in a good way.
I (M29) have a boyfriend (M31), and we have been together over the last 17 months. We’ve always had issues with sex. I take medication that kills my drive and my ability. So most of our relationship sex was either one-sided, or not satisfying for me.
We had an issue last year in June. He was over at my house, and he wanted sex. I tried to tell him I didn’t feel like it, because sometimes I don’t even wanna try and get the disappointment and discouragement when it doesn’t work out. So he told me that even though I don’t want to, as a boyfriend I should help take care of his needs, because that’s what boyfriends too. And when I explained that I don’t want to, things get tense. He explained to me that if I can’t and that doesn’t mean I should hold back from him. So I went along with it, but when he was finished, he rolled me over and I was just in tears and pain.
We broke up a few days later, I broke up with him. I felt really uncomfortable, and it triggered old sexual abuse trauma, and I couldn’t trust or look at him.
Now, here we are in 2024. April. We were lying next to each other in bed playing video games. And he put my hand into his lap. We started, until his friends signed into a game online, where he ran to the computer. Now, a few minutes in, not just like 5, like I was there for maybe 15-20 minutes, he was focusing on the game. I stopped, and told him it doesn’t look like he’s gonna finish and I’m getting tired.
He replied to me by grabbing my head, forcing it down and saying “I didn’t tell you to stop. It doesn’t matter, I didn’t say stop,” with his hand on the back of my head. He proceeded to take his phone out and record me. At that point I just stopped and stared because I was taken back, and I was extremely uncomfortable. To which he grabbed my head and put it back down.
I consented at first, but the longer it went I didn’t want to do it. But because I went with it, it’s not sexual abuse right? It gives me anxiety to think about, and now whenever he asks because I don’t wanna say no to him. I don’t want anymore problems.
I know it can be hard to accept when you've been victimized by someone you are dating and who you care about, but this is definitely abuse. You deserve to be with someone who cares about your safety, pleasure, and feelings and will not disregard your boundaries. This is a good resource for more information: and support:
https://www.loveisrespect.org/resources/types-of-abuse/
"Sexual abuse is never the victim’s fault. Just because someone “didn’t say no” or doesn’t resist unwanted sexual advances doesn’t mean that they consent. Physical resistance can sometimes put victims at higher risk for further abuse, and the narrative that a lack of resistance equals consent makes it more difficult for survivors to report abuse."
@turquoisefox18 This is an awesome resource I can say I've used before.
Hello, you should never feel you have to do something you’re not comfortable doing. I agree with Person number one, this is abuse. I think the resource they gave could be helpful. I hope you’re doing OK now, a month later, or maybe have been able to reach out and talk to more people or get some perspective. Sending love & good thoughts your way ❤️
