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H0ps
236 M Embraced 2
PathStep 35 Compassion hearts10 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2019 Member sinceOctober 24, 2019
Bio

Hey, I'm Hops! I'm completely new here and signed up impulsively as my life circumstances were (still are) getting a little out of hand. Also, I'm not quite sure how to initiate conversations so bear with me.

Recent forum posts
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Hiding doesn't always work
Anxiety Support / by H0ps
Last post
 February 15th, 2020
...See more Politics and news is something I've been actively avoiding for the past four years now. It seemed impossible for my country's media to not talk about the things that make me the most anxious. Just an hour ago I accidentaly clicked on a video that I thought was going to be about education and polititians talking about the budget for it. Instead the only thing they were talking about was the huge budget to "prepare for war". My country is very small and we would never stand a chance if that ever happened... Feeling safe and secure is something I've been lacking for a while now and anything related to war or just the thought of something that leaves me completely helpless is absolutely paralysing. I haven't felt like this in a while... And it's scary to think how I would be completely stuck in here. It's like my mind is trying to come up for every solution for every single problem it can imagine. It's tiring and it leads to nowhere. I mostly try not to think about it but maybe it only makes it worse since I keep it all in. So I guess I wanted to share...
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Nothing feels safe anymore
Anxiety Support / by H0ps
Last post
 October 25th, 2019
...See more Hello, this is going to be my very first post and pretty much the reason I googled for online help communities. I've dealt with anxiety in the past and now it's coming back. Only this time the non-existing threat is very much existing and also a threat (but perhaps I just can't see things clearly?). Since I'm not quite sure how much information is too much information on this site, I'm going to keep this pretty simple and vague. I'm a university student, an orphan, pretty much no family or friends. And now it seems that I might be facing some massive financial or even possibly legal issues regarding my housing situation. All I can think about is how I'm going to get "caught", punished and pretty much doomed. I had no idea I was doing something wrong for years. I'm pretty much a goody two-shoes all of the time and doing something illegal makes me worry so much that now it's affecting my studies, sleep and relationships. I can't focus on anything and keep digging myself into a deeper hole by thinking over the same things over and over again. This might cost me all of my money and even more. It's not the type of problem I should be having at 21. The whole situation is bringing out all of my fears regarding safety, which has been probably my biggest source of despair in the past. I've been actively avoiding any type of news media for about 4 years now, the word "war" itself is extremely scary to me. I know that all of it probably connects to me losing my mother while I was still a teen (never had a father or any siblings). And now this situation is extremely stressful because it threatens my home, probably the only place I've ever felt safe in. It feels like I have nowhere to run to, nowhere to hide. I just need someone else to sort this out for me. I've been doing everything by myself for years now and this might be my breaking point. I don't know if I can handle this. I don't want to handle this. Literally anything I do feels like I'm going to get somehow punished for.
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