HapaWriter79 Member Profile

...See more Hi, all, I have a huge issue that I struggle with constantly. I'm in my 40s but I have always been a very insecure individual, my self-esteem has always been in the toilet. I have always doubted by ability to do things; I don't consider myself an interesting individual, nor do I think that I'm entirely worthy of being loved or appreciated. I've found that I have a huge heart but not everyone appreciates that. I try to help people (the people I care about, I've set boundaries for those I extend my assistance to) but I've been told by one of the people in my life that my help isn't needed unless requested and that I've been "overwhelming." I respect that this person has set boundaries but now I think that this person is just irritated with me and feels like her life would be better without me. I was visiting a friend last weekend after almost 2 years apart and I just fear that she didn't enjoy my presence as I did hers. She's not a very emotional person and doesn't usually express emotions and perhaps that's why I've been insecure because I seek reassurance. I just don't want to overwhelm anyone, I just want to make sure that my friends and family are taken care of. I've always felt a responsibility to take care of those in my life--but, perhaps, the desire to help others stems from a need of acceptance? I don't know. I know I'm a good person but I'm also afraid of people leaving me (which is why I keep my circle very, very tight). I'm constantly afraid that the person I love will get tired of me or will consider me a burden. We are not "together" but we're good friends and I can't imagine my life without her. But I'm constantly held hostage by worries and fears and anxiety. How can it be possible to release insecurities, open myself up to vulnerability, and trust others?

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