Insecurities
Hi, all, I have a huge issue that I struggle with constantly. I'm in my 40s but I have always been a very insecure individual, my self-esteem has always been in the toilet. I have always doubted by ability to do things; I don't consider myself an interesting individual, nor do I think that I'm entirely worthy of being loved or appreciated.
I've found that I have a huge heart but not everyone appreciates that. I try to help people (the people I care about, I've set boundaries for those I extend my assistance to) but I've been told by one of the people in my life that my help isn't needed unless requested and that I've been "overwhelming." I respect that this person has set boundaries but now I think that this person is just irritated with me and feels like her life would be better without me. I was visiting a friend last weekend after almost 2 years apart and I just fear that she didn't enjoy my presence as I did hers. She's not a very emotional person and doesn't usually express emotions and perhaps that's why I've been insecure because I seek reassurance.
I just don't want to overwhelm anyone, I just want to make sure that my friends and family are taken care of. I've always felt a responsibility to take care of those in my life--but, perhaps, the desire to help others stems from a need of acceptance? I don't know.
I know I'm a good person but I'm also afraid of people leaving me (which is why I keep my circle very, very tight). I'm constantly afraid that the person I love will get tired of me or will consider me a burden. We are not "together" but we're good friends and I can't imagine my life without her. But I'm constantly held hostage by worries and fears and anxiety. How can it be possible to release insecurities, open myself up to vulnerability, and trust others?
@HapaWriter79
Hello,
Your story really resonated with me. I think I understand the feeling you are expresing here, having low selfesteem can make even the most mundane things really difficult and feeling like you are imposing yourself on your loved ones is really crippling. I don't think there is really an easy answer, the fact that you are brave enough to explore these feelings and express them is a step in the right direction. When you are feeling overwhelmed try and take five minutes, take a big breath and remind yourself of one thing you like about yourself, what are you good at? what do you like about yourself? When have you been proud of yourself? I know these can be difficult questions to answer when you are feeling down, but remember it doesn't need to be a huge deal, maybe you make amazing cookies or that time in school you got an A in that really difficult assignment. Succes is not always winning the war, sometimes it's sitting down and having a nice cup of tea with your demons (at the end of the day knowing them will help you understand where they are coming from and how you can have a nicer life even if they don't just vanish... and I know you would probably have them not exist, just remember: our fears, demons and insecurities are a part of ourselves and for every doubt and negative emotion there is a positive influx they have had in your personality. You wouldn't be as caring and compasionate with others if you had never felt alone).
Remember to be as kind with yourself as you would be to others, no one is perfect but by taking the time to improve yourself you are already a step closer than you were yesterday in your journey. And even if today you couldn't take that step, take a breath and remember to forgive yourself as you can always try again tomorrow.
As for your loved ones, talk to them. Maybe it won't be a super intense chat about all that is causing your fears and how that is impacting your relationship with them, maybe just a friendly reminder that you are thankful for their friendship. I hope tomorrow brings a smile to your face, you deserve it! You are very brave and by letting me know how you feel, you have also allowed me to feel less alone with the feelings I'm dealing with.
Thank you for your reply. I was really touched by your message and heartened by your suggestions. It is very hard for me to find good things about myself but i can try. I just feel pretty worthless at times and my overthinking leads to a lot of anxiety and depression.
I have been like this for as long as i can remember but it’s only been within the last couple years that I’ve really been affected by my insecurities. Right now i just feel like disappearing so that i don’t bother & burden my loved ones anymore. I just don’t think they’d care too much if i did.
i’m happy that you found comfort in knowing you’re not alone; i think knowing one isn’t alone helps quite a bit—especially when one feels quite alone.
