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HarleenSebastian
M
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts6 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes6 Current upvotes6 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2016 Member sinceOctober 16, 2015
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Dying Because of Art
Depression Support / by HarleenSebastian
Last post
 November 4th, 2015
...See more I'm getting so frustrated with trying to create good drawings and paintings because there is always someone that does better than me or learns faster than me. I just want to feel like I have accomplished something...I want to feel like an accomplished artist. It would be great if I obtained a lot of skills at a young age...I thought being 16 was a good age for being a "master of art". Other people that I look up to are about my age and already making a serious name for themselves, why do I always be just stuck in a little corner. All I want to do is improve on my art right now, at this very point in time before I get old and become a complete failure in life. I really am just considering that maybe life isn't worth it for me because I am not getting what I want out of life. I'd rather just get run over by a car..like who cares about me anyway...
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Feeling Invisible
Depression Support / by HarleenSebastian
Last post
 October 23rd, 2015
...See more Feeling Invisible I guess through out my life during high school up to college I have always felt empty and unhappy. When I was a young girl life felt like a dream, everything was an adventure, and I drew whatever I wanted with out worry or comparing to other people. But as I got older, life felt like one big competition or just one big comparison. I felt like I wasn't smart enough, pretty enough, or talented enough. So, I always worked my hardest so I could make big accomplishments in my life...so I could feel important and noticed for my efforts. I am currently in college, I still love to draw (art is my life), and I am a honors student. I live a comfortable life and my family loves me to pieces, and they do anything for me. I am healthy and nothing is wrong with me. So why am I so sad? I just feel like even with all the positive things going for me it is not good enough because it always seems like people have it more well off. I still compare myself to people, like for example if I am on FaceBook I compare myself to other beautiful girls online (or anywhere on the internet) and I even my art with other people online. I use Deviantart so I post my art up there, and on Tumblr as well and I want people to notice my art work and to notice my talents. However, I am always looked over by other popular artists or even more talented people so I get depressed in the end and feel like trash afterwards. It is like I can never be at the status that I want. It sounds so silly but it is like I am saying "I am depressed because I am not well known or popular" at least that is what it sounds like in my head. I am just always alone...I try my best to be nice to everyone, I always smile, look nice, and just be open. But when I think I made a new friend I am just pushed ahead as they go and talk to their other friends. I think I am just a self-loathing person I don't like anything about myself, I look in the mirror and I feel ugly. I never had a boyfriend ever..so I must be ugly. I look at my art and I wish I was like those popular artists on Tumblr or Patreon or DeviantArt. Even though I am a honors student, I feel like a dummy most of the time. I hate talking to people because in the end I regret doing it because I think that they look at me like I am stupid. I just wish I could force myself to be happy but I can't do that because I just don't feel like there is nothing to be happy about because its never good enough I am not good enough. Sometimes, I would even think about just falling out of the school window and hit the pavement...maybe hoping that finally people will notice me. Maybe if I just hurt myself people would care about me more...I don't know what to do. I am just an unhappy self loathing person...
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