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HerWhispers
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts0 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 1970 Member sinceApril 9, 2014
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Not sure how to title this - Rant
Journals & Diaries / by HerWhispers
Last post
 July 7th, 2016
...See more I'm sorry for the wall of text.   For the past few months, my anxiety has gotten worse, and so has my depression. I recently was kicked from the apartment I was staying in because the two people I was staying with had decided to move into a smaller apartment, and that I couldn't come. A friend of mine and her family offered to let me stay with them until I can get a new job, and get on my feet. Right now though, we're crammed into two seperate hotel rooms, 5 people in each room at any given time. There's 10 of us overall.  I'm currently 23 years old. Half of the people here are children, the other half adults(including me). The children are a tad violent, and rarely actually listen to their mom or grandmother. One of my biggest fears right now is that my friend is going to change her mind and decide that I can't stay with them any more. I don't really have anywhere else to go if that does happen, so it's really scary to think about.  At this point, I spend most of my time quiet and on my laptop to minimize any possible risk of me doing something to upset anyone, as to minimize any risk of them telling me to leave. I do whatever I can possibly to pull my weight so that they actually want me around. Another thing adding to my anxiety and depression would be the fact that I'm Transgender, and I'm constantly really uncomfortable in my own skin.  I have a difficult time finding jobs at this point, and an even harder time keeping them. I get really uncomfortable around people, and I'm easily upset and offput. Generally if I have any kind of negative encounter with someone, I start to withdraw subconsciously and end up feeling constantly anxious around them, making keeping a job around them very difficult.  Right now I'm not really sure what to do. I've had a lot of my old urges resurfacing and pushing me to relapse into them, but I'm trying my very hardest to avoid letting that happen. 
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