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HighlyMotivated91
1 170 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts15 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2024 Member sinceJanuary 15, 2024
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Family/Sibling Boundaries Understanding
General Support / by HighlyMotivated91
Last post
 October 13th, 2024
...See more I met an amazing woman about three years ago, and after 16 months of long-distance relationship, I moved to her state and city. Before I moved, we had several conversations about our expectations, her living situation, and our plans for building a life together. We are both in our late thirties, have no kids, have advanced degrees, and hold professional positions. She has her own house, and I have been renting a place since we decided that I would do so. However, things have been rocky since I moved here. We argue about her inconsistent decisions regarding spending time with me, staying at my place, and preparing her sister and her sister's two kids (aged 10 and 12) for when she moves out. We also argue about the lack of boundaries she has set for her siblings and nieces, and the manipulation her family continues to do to her. Her sister, who is 42, works a job that pays $2000 a month and has no financial responsibility in the household besides groceries, cooking, and cleaning. The kids have no real responsibilities either. I understand that they came from a toxic, abusive, broken home with their ex-husband, and I sympathize with their situation. However, it's the manipulation they continue to do to my girlfriend that bothers me. Whenever we make plans for her to stay at my house, the kids guilt-trip her into staying with them, and her sister does the same. The house is always in a disastrous state because the sister neglects her responsibilities. Despite being patient, understanding, and loving, it feels like my girlfriend wants me to integrate into the routine she had with her family when she was single, and that's not fair to me. I'm not asking her to choose between me and her family, but I'm asking for a balance. It seems like she is afraid to tell the kids that she is moving out to start our life together, and they make her feel guilty, causing her to change her mind and make promises to them. This cycle makes me unhappy, but I love her very much. I don't have much experience with kids, but I'm willing to integrate them into our lives. However, it feels like her family doesn't want me around because I won't adapt to their routine. It's also true that her family, including the kids, benefit more if I'm not around and she doesn't move out. These are her nieces, not her own children. Any advice?
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