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HopefulOne81
1 1,903 M Hopeful Heart 1
PathStep 10 Compassion hearts264 Forum posts65 Forum upvotes176 Current upvotes176 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2026 Member sinceMay 29, 2018
Bio

Hey there! I'm not sure how to start this but, I'm 40 years young. A mom who is just trying to get through this life without failing. 

I have 1 cat and 2 dogs and a pet spider. I like scary movies, iced coffee, hispanic food and the outdoors. I've been through a lot growing up and into my adult years that have changed me in ways that are either positive and/or negative. I'm here because I need support and to know that I am not alone in my journey. Anxiety, depression and CPTSD plague me. It would be a dream come true to be able to control my emotions and set boundaries. I'm always told that I am "such a nice person." Well, I've realized that my niceness has put me in some situations I shouldn't be in and also, people tend to take advantage of it. I don't trust many people either. I'm working on these trust issues. It's not easy when every time you turn around, you are shown reasons why you shouldn't. Okay, I think I overshared a ton! (Another issue I have.) Thanks for reading if you made it this far :)

Recent forum posts
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Sometimes....
General Support / by HopefulOne81
Last post
 August 11th, 2025
...See more Sometimes, I need to feel like I matter. That I am being heard and appreciated. I continuously put myself last, to make sure those close to me are taken care of. I drop everything to help them if I can, no question. But, when it comes down to it and I reflect....I tend to feel used. I tend to ask the same question, is this all I am to these people? It's like my soul is open and being sucked out of me & pouring into others. I'm not saying it's not a bad thing to be there for others that are close to you, no. But at what point is enough, enough? At what point is enough, enough? Because I am tired. Emotionally, physically drained. I never expect anything back from anyone. I give, I help because I want too. I also just want to say, "No."  To step back & breathe for me. Breathe life into myself. 
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My thoughts today.
General Support / by HopefulOne81
Last post
 July 14th, 2025
...See more I don't think this relationship is right for me. I know it's not. I just keep pushing it off and shoving my feelings down because I think it's going to get better. But, I know it's not. Nothing is going to change. I keep allowing the insults, distance. I don't  feel pretty. I always think there is something wrong with me because I've relied on other people's opinions of me. He's a dog that has eyes for every *itch. That will never change. I feel invisible. I just want to be loved. I just want to feel like finally someone chooses me every day. Right now, I do everything for him just about. For what? Why am I still here? Why do I keep allowing the disrespect? I know I need to end this. But fear keeps me holding on. Its ridiculous. You don't do those things to someone you say you love.  I'm not myself. I've lost myself. My depression and anxiety got so bad I had to get back on my anti-depressant just to deal. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm not happy. I dislike my job, it's boring. My thoughts are out of control. I don't know how to communicate. I'm told I am negative all the dang time.   The only thing that makes me smile is my child. She is the only reason I am still here. I hate how he has treated me. I hate that he doesn't care. I hate that he can just turn off his emotions. I hate how I tell him what bothers me and he turns around and does it anyway. I can't trust him. I don't. Why would I trust someone like that? I don't even want to put in the effort anymore. It's just wasted time. This is sad. IT shouldn't be like this. I'm so tired of feeling like this. Because I am done. I'd rather be alone. I'd rather just live with my cat, than someone who acts like they like me because it is a convenience for them. I'm tired of trying. This isn't me. This is not who I am supposed to be. I have been completely drained of who I used to be. It's like for every good thought, there are 50 negative ones. 
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Have you ever gotten to that point...
35 & Over Community / by HopefulOne81
Last post
 October 18th, 2024
...See more You ever get to that point that so much has happened in the past months, that your emotions go numb? You still have them. But, they are definitely in "I don't care" mode. That's where I am at. I'm tired of fighting the anxiety, the depression and everything in between. Tired of trying to control situations where I clearly cannot. Mainly in my current relationship. So much of me is exhausted to the point of not caring anymore. Just go and do what you want at this point. I'm tired. My stress has been extreme in other departments of this life. I'm 42 and just done. I just want to go home, shut the world out and hang out with my cat. He get's me. LOL  If you've made it this far, thank you.
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