My thoughts today.
I don't think this relationship is right for me. I know it's not. I just keep pushing it off and shoving my feelings down because I think it's going to get better. But, I know it's not. Nothing is going to change. I keep allowing the insults, distance. I don't feel pretty. I always think there is something wrong with me because I've relied on other people's opinions of me. He's a dog that has eyes for every *itch. That will never change. I feel invisible. I just want to be loved. I just want to feel like finally someone chooses me every day. Right now, I do everything for him just about. For what? Why am I still here? Why do I keep allowing the disrespect? I know I need to end this. But fear keeps me holding on. Its ridiculous. You don't do those things to someone you say you love. I'm not myself. I've lost myself. My depression and anxiety got so bad I had to get back on my anti-depressant just to deal. I don't even know who I am anymore. I'm not happy. I dislike my job, it's boring. My thoughts are out of control. I don't know how to communicate. I'm told I am negative all the dang time. The only thing that makes me smile is my child. She is the only reason I am still here. I hate how he has treated me. I hate that he doesn't care. I hate that he can just turn off his emotions. I hate how I tell him what bothers me and he turns around and does it anyway. I can't trust him. I don't. Why would I trust someone like that? I don't even want to put in the effort anymore. It's just wasted time. This is sad. IT shouldn't be like this. I'm so tired of feeling like this. Because I am done. I'd rather be alone. I'd rather just live with my cat, than someone who acts like they like me because it is a convenience for them. I'm tired of trying. This isn't me. This is not who I am supposed to be. I have been completely drained of who I used to be. It's like for every good thought, there are 50 negative ones.
@Hopefulone81 I'm sorry you're feeling this way, You're not alone ❤️ your feelings are totally valid and they matter 🤍 I wish you find the support you're looking for, and things start to feel lighter🍀🤍 Sending lots of love towards you! 🐾❤️
@fossilfellow Thank you! It's hard. But, I've been through worse and made it out just fine. I really need to get my mind right.
@HopefulOne81 You'll get through this too 🤍 try not to be too hard on yourself ❤️ we're here with you!
@fossilfellow I'm grateful to know I am not alone. 🥰
@HopefulOne81
Im so sorry you are being made to feel this way 🥺 It's not acceptable or right, no justification for it, you matter, you deserve love and to be appreciated and told this everyday. Love should be empowering, uplifting, joyous, you deserve it all. I'm so glad you have your daughter, she is lucky to have a mother like you but she needs a happy and fulfilled one and you need to set the standards for her, and show her what it's like to be treated respectfully, to be cherished and adored because you'll want the world for her. You will find someone who sees your worth and acts like a man and treats you as an equal. I wish you all the best genuinely and welcome to seven cups 💜🥰 When we dont set the standards ourselves, on how we would like to be treated, someone else will come along and decide it for us!
@Amanda84 Thank you. I couldn't agree more and am grateful for your response. I have got to work on my boundaries and keeping them, amongst other things. I know I am in a tough spot. But, I don't have to be. We always have a choice. It's time I start choosing me. 😊
@HopefulOne81
Choose you, one million percent 💕
@HopefulOne81 I know that you have it in you to leave him, once you do everything in your life will change it only takes one decision and it will be a hard desicion but so worth it
@HopefulOne81 firstly a big hug for you cause you need it 🫂🫂, I have been a similar situation and honestly breaking up is not the big step... letting go and forgiving yourself for wasting time is. Best thing I did was just ending everything and not entertaining any ifs and buts because there's no point...What you are facing is emotional abuse and I'm proud of you for facing the truth that this is not how you're suppose to be. You'll figure it out, choose yourself this time, more power to you 🙌💖
@TherapyUnicorn47 Well said. I thank you for your understanding and truthfulness. I think the best thing for me is to close this chapter and begin a new one.