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IDontExist
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts13 Forum posts5 Forum upvotes9 Current upvotes9 Age GroupAdult Last activeJuly, 2017 Member sinceFebruary 2, 2015
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Anyone addicted to depression?
Depression Support / by IDontExist
Last post
 February 3rd, 2015
...See more I really have no reason to complain because my life has been smooth sailing ever since I was born. I am a 18 year old senior guy in highschool. I became depressed for no reason about 2 years ago and it has fucked up my entire life - so much so I had to move to a different state/school. I ruined my perfect little life as a popular grade A student at a boarding private school. I just stopped caring and became hated/expelled because of skipping too much school. Anyway here I am, still depressed, and I love it. I really like making shitty choices in my life and fueling my depression which I love and hate at the same time. Everytime I try to escape and do something to improve myself, I just force myself back into my rut of shit (for example rejecting a crush that asked me out just because i want to feel depressed. Or getting friendships then ruining them just to feel sorry for myself). No one deserves this: not my parents or anyone who has ever talked with me or you guys reading this. To top this off, I'm usually in denial that I have a problem or just don't give a shit about it. I really want to cry and feel like shit, but I can't. I'm not depressed enough. I need to get more depressed. Is that fucked up? I want to care, i just don't. What do you think? You can say whatever, i don't care. Do you know anyone else that had this kind of problem? Is there any science or psychology as to why I WANT to be sad? I'm fucking clueless please let me know what you honestly think. I really want to talk to someone right now as I don't really have friends anymore.
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