Anyone addicted to depression?
I really have no reason to complain because my life has been smooth sailing ever since I was born. I am a 18 year old senior guy in highschool. I became depressed for no reason about 2 years ago and it has fucked up my entire life - so much so I had to move to a different state/school. I ruined my perfect little life as a popular grade A student at a boarding private school. I just stopped caring and became hated/expelled because of skipping too much school. Anyway here I am, still depressed, and I love it. I really like making shitty choices in my life and fueling my depression which I love and hate at the same time. Everytime I try to escape and do something to improve myself, I just force myself back into my rut of shit (for example rejecting a crush that asked me out just because i want to feel depressed. Or getting friendships then ruining them just to feel sorry for myself). No one deserves this: not my parents or anyone who has ever talked with me or you guys reading this.
To top this off, I'm usually in denial that I have a problem or just don't give a shit about it. I really want to cry and feel like shit, but I can't. I'm not depressed enough. I need to get more depressed. Is that fucked up? I want to care, i just don't.
What do you think? You can say whatever, i don't care. Do you know anyone else that had this kind of problem? Is there any science or psychology as to why I WANT to be sad? I'm fucking clueless please let me know what you honestly think. I really want to talk to someone right now as I don't really have friends anymore.
Ok first of all, you sound like I did when I was a senior in high school. I stopped caring, was more worried about partying and boys and I skipped school all the time to hang out w/the other idiots I knew who didn't give a shit about their life. Second of all, stop being a stubborn 18 year old and thinking you know everything just b/c you are 18. I'm going to be 30 this year and I still don't know everything. You have a WHOLE FUTURE ahead of you! Why are you wasting it? I fucked up .. buy I'm already going to be 30. You have a lot of time! Please don't waste it.
There is both science AND psychology as to what is going on for you right now. Depression is an incredibly complex thing, and trying to figure it out on your own is like trying to treat your own diabetes without doctors or blood sugar monitors or blood sugar medication. Both medical doctors and therapists can help you fill in the blanks in understanding what is happening to you, on a science level, and a psychological level. As far as treatment goes, because there isn?t a blood test, it can be hard to know exactly what is at play. It may take some time to determine. It could be a thyroid condition, it could be a lack of neurotransmitters, genetics, or the way your body processes stress hormones, (to name just a few), and 30-40% of depressions respond to some form of medication because biology is the primary cause. Even if you do respond to medication, it can still be very beneficial to work with a therapist and I would highly recommend it. But for others, medications don?t seem to be effective, as their depressions might be more fueled by psychological factors, and that can be helped with a number of therapies designed specifically for this. If depression is caused by more psychological reasons, the incredible stress it causes then spills over into our biology, and causes actual physical symptoms. Confusing, right?
Depression can make us think and act in bewildering, confusing ways, and can make it hard for us to even understand WHY we are seemingly acting against our best interests. I?m glad you are reaching out to understand what?s going on with you, and hope you can start to find some answers and some support.