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Impossibleblonde
785 M Little Steps
PathStep 12 Compassion hearts19 Forum posts26 Forum upvotes8 Current upvotes8 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2019 Member sinceNovember 1, 2017
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My partner wants us to get married, I want to stay as we are.
Relationship Stress / by Impossibleblonde
Last post
 October 10th, 2018
...See more Firstly I am going apologise for this being long and complicated and if you manage to read it all the way the end I thank you. I have been with my partner for 8 years (we do not live together), during those 8 years I have questioned the relationship time and time again. He is very controlling, very self absorbed and quite frankly I can not trust him with my heart or my emotions. He only sees his or his mother's emotions, I have cried myself to sleep laying next to him and he just ignores it. I am disabled and last week i was trying to get out of a swimming pool and my leg wasnt working so i called him to help but he ignored me and someone else had to help me. This is just a couple of examples of how he is blind to my needs, yet everything i do has to be about him and his mother. I have to look after their needs always ignoring my own. He says he is grieving still for his father who died 6 years ago and I need to put him and his mother first. Why do I stay with him? I hear you ask... We do have fun together believe it or not, in public he is well liked and funny. An 'entertainer' always laughing and joking, whereas I am very quiet and unsure of myself. We have many friends together (which is something I have always struggled to have as I am quiet and reserved). If I leave I not only lose the relationship I lose all of my friends and my new found social life that I have never had before. Also my daughter hates him and she decided to cut me out of her life when my partners mother had an accident and was rushed to hospital (with us not knowing if she would survive). She telephoned me as I was leaving to rush to the hospital wanting me to look after her youngest child. I explained what had happened and I had to go to the hospital. She saw that as I was choosing him and his mother over her (and yes, at that moment I was because we didn't know if his mother was going to live). I have tried to explain but she has shut herself off from me and will not listen or talk. I am no longer allowed to see my youngest grandchild, however the oldest two aged 16 and 13 told her that they love me and they want to see me. My daughter allows this on the condition it is at my home away from my partner. He says I should just get over it and doesn't understand how heartbroken l am at losing my daughter and youngest grandchild. Now my partner wants me to give up my home move in with him and get married. If I was to do this I would not be able to see my grandchildren. I refuse to do this, I will not give up my grandchildren or my home (my only security). He is very, very angry... l think the relationship is going to end, I know if that happens I will spend 6 days a week not even speaking to another person and on that one day I see my grandchildren it will only be for a couple of hours. I just want things to carry on as they are, with me spending some time at my home to see my grandchildren and spending the rest of my time with him. I feel like I am being torn... Well congratulations if you made it this far, you will be relieved to know this is the end. Any advice would be gratefully received.
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