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JR991UK
162 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2023 Member sinceDecember 4, 2023
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Am I being controlling or am I right for having strict boundaries
Relationship Stress / by JR991UK
Last post
 December 5th, 2023
...See more Me and my partner have been together nearly 5yrs now. About 8 months in a suffered badly with depression but hid it from her....this resulted in me neglecting her. Around this time she asked me if it was OK to go round to an old work colleagues house (male) for a catchup because he was apparently going through a tough time. I initially said no because I don't believe that someone in a relationship should be spending time alone in private with someone of the opposite sex (depending on sexuality). This caused a huge argument and her accusing me of being controlling amd not trusting her. The next day I decided to tell her that if she still wanted yo go round then I'd be okay with it because I never wanted her to see me as controlling. Anyway....on her return I noticed her behaviour was off and she was acting very suspicious and distant. She then stopped being intimate with me and a few weeks later I discovered that she had been sleeping with this guy. She said it was because she'd been feeling neglected and lonely in our relationship but that she still loved me. I decided to accept my role in the cause of the betrayal and forgave her so that we could start over. 4yrs later we are still together and aside from the usual arguments that couples have we are doing well.... The only issue I have is that she insists on having male friends. This has never been an issue for me but since the betrayal I find it hard to accept. She has a friend/colleague currently that she's known for around 18months and they message everyday. I've expressed my concerns to her that it makes me uncomfortable seeing as he is a single guy and he should know that he shouldn't be messaging another man's partner all day, everyday. Again she just accuses me of being jealous, controlling amd insecure. I've also said that I don't believe she should be spending time alone with him and that I've gone against my beliefs and boundaries in the past and I won't do it again considering I was proved right the last time. Am I being controlling or am I right for setting strict boundaries?
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