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Jaeteuk
1 37,104 M Determined Treads 8
PathStep 221 Compassion hearts4,547 Forum posts3,642 Forum upvotes4,619 Current upvotes4,619 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2026 Member sinceJuly 24, 2017
Bio

A healthcare worker. Into K-pop/Kdramas, understand conversational Korean. Lonely with no friends. Loneliness leads to being sad and depressed from time to time.

Recent forum posts
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Need your perspectives
35 & Over Community / by Jaeteuk
Last post
 Wednesday
...See more I'll try to make my story short, I tried to ask another friend for their opinion and I ended typing up 2.5 pages in Word and sent her as PDF in email. I'm a female, turning 40 next January. Haven't dated the past 20 years, and I changed my career and workplace last year. I started working at a different hospital in May 2025, and finally felt my career is back on track, being able to do two careers at a time, of which I'm passionate for. It was a dream come true for me. So, starting work at this new hospital, in my department, on the Management Team, aside from the 2 Supervisors, and a Manager, there are also three other RN's on the team. One of the male RN's, since I started last year, I felt we could become good friends. My part-time line, is from Thursday to Sunday. I only saw him on my Saturday shift, over the first few months, I arrived an hour earlier before my shift and chatted with him. He made me feel very comfortable, even when I talked about my depression and he was very understanding. I saw him as a friend, in my life, I was desperate to make a good best friend, and have always wanted to find my life partner. I felt that with my career finally getting back on track, I'm ready for both. But like I said, I only saw him as a friend. Over the past year and 5 months, I only took him out to eat at a Korean Restaurant that was my favourite place to eat once. Just wanted to grab a bite after a shift together. Then, last week, I asked him if he could give me a brief lesson on investing. As I know he was forced to move out on his own and manage his own finances at a young age. He agreed, and since he also works two jobs and doesn't really have time to rest. He ended up asking me to go to his place the past Sunday to give me the lesson. Sunday is my only day off, as I'm also currently working two jobs, six days a week for three months.  Long story short, I never caught on any clue that he was interested in me. Sitting on the couch, he has his air conditioning on (he says he likes it cool), he began to cuddle and smell my hair. I thought as friends, cuddling, was just to keep each other warm. Like I said, I haven't dated for the past 20 years, I was clueless to what was happening. Next thing I knew, I felt a kiss on my ear, then, he asked me for permission for a kiss. I said no to the kiss. I arrived at his place around 5:15pm for the lesson, and I had left by 8:30pm. Then, he called in sick for work the past two days. Did I break his heart for saying no to the kiss? I just feel that at my age, I want to be sure of the guy before I decide to change a friendship status to something romantic. He's 7 years my junior, but mature for his age. I just never saw any of it coming, as I see him as someone who could become a good friend of mine. I tried asking him about it when I got home Sunday night, but he dodged to answer and only said he hoped I learned something about investing, and that I can ask him for help when I want to try using the App he recommended.  I feel I don't know him well enough yet, to know whether or not I'd want to try dating him. I just know that I want us to be friends, whether or not that will develop into something else in the future, I'd like to keep it open. It felt like everything was skipped, I'm more old-schooled and traditional way of thinking. Like, shouldn't we at least confirm a gf/bf status first before a kiss? We haven't even gone on any real dates. Or is this like a generation gap? Any thoughts?
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January Aquarius?
Hobby Zone / by Jaeteuk
Last post
 October 11th
...See more Do we have any January Aquarius members here? I'm female, single, will turn 40 next January. Lately, my social media feed has been showing me Aquarius traits, characteristics, behaviours, etc, and they seem to be true/real. Personality-wise though, I'm not a very out-going type of person, and I do live in my own world at times. In a way that my comfort is more important than anything else, I mind my own business but is well aware of things that happen around me. I'm into nature, the clouds, the stars, anything in the sky. I'm stubborn in a way where I have my own principles, standards, discipline, of which I'm firm with and stick to. I don't really have any friends though, just on the surface, coworkers, but no one to hang out with over coffee or something. Where would you go to meet potential husbands/wives?
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Acceptance into a Teaching Program
Student Support / by Jaeteuk
Last post
 July 8th
...See more I received a letter of acceptance Monday morning, into a teaching program at the College where I started my secondary career as a Clinical Instructor to one of their Continuing Education Certificate program. The course I applied for supposed to start yesterday. In the email where they sent me the acceptance letter, it did say that it may take up two 24 hours before the course will appear through the online portal. As of this moment, it's past the 24 hours, and it's still not seen on my dashboard. So, I've emailed my instructor to see what my next steps are. In the meantime, I'm waiting for the textbook to be delivered to me. I've received a tracking number from the College's bookstore, so, maybe I'll either receive it later today, or sometime tomorrow.  This course is good timing, as it's from July 6th to September 13th, 2026. I start teaching my second cohort October 5th. I've also signed up for mandatory workshops that should provide more skills to become a better Clinical Instructor. With two workshops this month and the third one in August.  I hope this course will not be too difficult, the instructor sent out an email to the students, that there will be group projects. Since it's an online course, I wonder how that would work out. Do we choose our own groups, or will be assigned? Would I need to meet up with them in-person? I work 4 days a week, so I hope using 3 days to study and do the course is enough time for me. It's been a few years since I've taken a course. I do want to learn more skills to help me become a better Clinical Instructor, especially when this is something I wish that I can continue to do for the long-term, alongside with my regular part-time career.  Two careers, that have become a dream come true for me. Teaching is definitely something I would love to continue to be doing. So upgrading my skills is the best way for me to improve.
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Trust issues in friendships
Women's Issues / by Jaeteuk
Last post
 May 13th
...See more Starting off with a bit of history in my past friendships. The longest friendship I had with another girl was 15 years. I called off our friendship when we were 27, because I was always the one initiating and contacting her with plans to meet up. I moved out of the city we met in, an hour drive apart. So, I always contacted her to ask when she's free to have a meal together, and we met half-way (distance-wise). In those 15 years, there had been many times where she'd cancel last minute; last minute, as in, I had already arrived at our meeting place, and she sends a text message saying something came up and couldn't make it. This happened so many times, I've lost count. As someone who likes to plan and have a routine, to have her break that plan, was very disheartening. The thing is, when we sat down one day, and I told her that I'm tired of our one-way friendship, she didn't say anything about wanting to keep it going. The only things she told me then was, "you've known I was like this from day one." I guess for her, she doesn't grow, or want to change her habits for the better of us. In those 15 years, there were other short-lived friendships. I remember there was this one, it was with a male classmate. I thought we'd end up to be good friends, but once I felt comfortable with him, and started sharing about my history (with depression), he avoided me like the plague. At the University, walking by each other, he avoided eye contact. There was a coworker at one point, of whom I thought we could've been good friends. Another male, but he saw through me. The first person in my life that could see through me. But after a couple of years of working with him, his parents sent him back home to get married, and I lost contact with him.  I recently taught a cohort of six students in my current career. One of the girls, although I'm 9 years older, I felt we have a different connection. Now that class has ended, and we're now coworkers, as she's one of the five students who passed, is hired into my department. Now that we're no longer Instructor-Student relationship, and coworkers, I feel that we could become friends. She understands me the most, but at the same time, I'm starting to feel it as a one-sided friendship again. As I'm always the one messaging her to ask how her day went. And yes, she'd ask me back. But I'm the one initiating the conversation.  Why is so hard to develop a friendship that is more two-sided? I have a habit with friendships, I tend to let the other person know about me, my past, almost right at the beginning. It's almost like, I want them to know the worst of me, and if they still decide to stay, then, they will be someone worth my time to try and develop a friendship with. But I've noticed, this way, many do choose to turn their backs on me. It's saddening to know that those I've met, that no one is willing to face mental health with empathy and understanding. I'm past the stage where depression is a large part of my life, at least, in the present, only triggers will make me feel depressed.  I feel with depression, since I have lived with it for two-thirds of my life so far (I'm 39 now), that even when I've moved forward, became a better person, depression will always be a part of my life. As there will always be some kind of trigger that would upset me, that would give me flashbacks, that would put me in a depressed state for a couple of days, for a week, for a couple of weeks, for a month.  Am I trusting the other person too easily, too quickly, and revealing my life story scares them away? I want a real, deep, understanding, emotionally bonded type of friendship. So, I had always believed that I need tell the other person all of me, including my past, right at the beginning. But I find, pouring my heart out, almost always end up having the other person turn their backs on me. Why is it so hard to find someone who can reciprocate this same type of friendship. I just feel that it's better to show them the bad part of me, and if they accept it, then, it's all good. Rather than waiting for our friendship to develop, and then revealing that part my history later; then, find out that they cannot accept that part of me. If they turn their back on me then, it would hurt even more than right from the beginning. So, there are times, where I'm almost afraid to show them my true self, as there had been too many incidents where the other person choose to turn away, than to stay by my side. So, when will I ever find that someone who is willing to stay? Does that person even exist? I just need one person, as either a friend, or a life-long partner.
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Ready for the next phase
35 & Over Community / by Jaeteuk
Last post
 April 30th
...See more For those who know my story, and those who are new. I'm in my late 30s, and it wasn't until May 2025 when I finally returned to a career where I carry deep passion and have a higher purpose that contributes to the passion. It was one of my dream careers, one that I had put aside for the past five years. During my first few months, I was appointed as a Clinical Instructor; I've just finished teaching my first Cohort of students. With great news, all five who passed, have been hired!  Teaching had been a second dream career of mine, as I also hold a TEFL Certificate. Ever since both of my dream careers have come true, I felt a shift in myself. In a good way, earlier this year, I went out for lunch, with a couple, friends of my parents. My parents and brother were away for vacation, left alone, I arranged a lunch with that couple. They have known me for several years, and even they saw the shift/change in me. They commented I was more open, had more things to talk about, and looked happy.  I agree, in public spaces, like transit, I'm talking to strangers. I even have a train-buddy, which, I said my good-byes with, as I won't be taking the train until my next cohort in the Fall. She said she'll still be there. So, hopefully we will meet again in October. I once spoke with a bus driver, to let him know that there was a strip of ad overhead that was about the fall. My thinking was, I'd better let the driver know, in case it falls on a passenger, as it is the hard type of poster material, I didn't want it to fall on someone, and cut their face or something. Whether or not the driver ended up fixing it, I felt good after telling him, as it was hanging down. Since last year, my confidence has definitely increased, and I'm ready for the next phase of life. Meaning, meeting/finding a potential husband. 
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Attending a Conference
Work & Career / by Jaeteuk
Last post
 March 8th
...See more So, I was invited to attend a conference that is to happen in October this year. I'm contemplating on it, as there is no sponsorships in attending. So all costs is out of my own pocket, flight and hotel. It would be a great educational experience, as it will help with my profession. So, I'm asking if either one of my Supervisors are interested, that way, we could at least share the cost of the hotel. Four other Instructors are going, and they are all sharing rooms already. One of them even booked her flight! I actually really want to go, but it'd be nice if someone can go with me. That way, we could fly together and share a hotel room. I hope the Supervisor decides quickly, as I assume the earlier I book a flight, the cheaper it'd be with the discounts.
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Providing Grief Support for my Students
Grief & Loss / by Jaeteuk
Last post
 March 15th
...See more To keep it confidential, all I can say is, it's difficult to provide support for them during class. All I can do is frequently check in on them, and give hugs every so often. Having to gone through grief myself after losing my Grandma in July 2024, I know and have an idea the struggles they are going through. It really hurts me to see them holding back their tears during class, and I really feel for them. Each person has their own drama at home, and now with this sudden grief brought upon their family, it is a lot to handle on top of classes. Also, one of them have a relative that wants to give up on medical treatment, and is still in early 30s.. I really don't know what else I can do to help.
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Additional Role in my Career
Work & Career / by Jaeteuk
Last post
 January 6th
...See more I get to start teaching for the February term. Hired by the College last September, to become a Clinical Instructor for the education program required for my current profession. One month countdown, as first day is February 2nd. 2026 will start off well, and it's all thanks to my decision to change work locations in May 2025. The Management Team at the current hospital I work at, is very supportive. They even appointed me to the College to become a Clinical Instructor. With a career that I have passion for, with full support from the Team. Now, I get to teach, which is a secondary dream of mine. To teach in the career that I love doing, it's a bonus for sure.  I might sound crazy to some of you, but it is only when I am working, or even the moment I'm changed into my scrubs, I feel the most energetic and alive. Even when I didn't sleep well the night before, I still feel energized while I'm in uniform and working. I remember back when I was a student myself, during my Clinical practice, every day, I felt like I was functioning on adrenaline. I was excited and ready to learn. I finally have my list of students. At first, I was told there would be six of them, but the list only shows five. Even better, as it's my first term, lesser students would be easier to manage and teach. From the list, it looks like they are all female, with one name that looks familiar. I'll know when I see her if it's the same person I have in mind. Before I started working in my profession in 2018, I worked a retail job for 5 years. During that time, at one point, there was a girl with a unique name that worked in the shop nearby. Although she wasn't there for long, but with that unique name, it's difficult to forget. So, the moment I saw the name, she came to mind.  I'll also take my first paid vacation 10 days before I start teaching. So, I'll only be working up until Jan. 22nd, then, go on my vacation Jan. 23rd to Feb. 1st. Going on a cruise with my parents. I actually return on the 31st, but don't feel like working on the 1st, so took it off as well. Mainly because my Sunday shift is an evening shift, which means, I get home around 12:30am.  I hope I do well and get good feedback from my students. Would love to continue being a Clinical Instructor. Living and working my two dream careers, is the best life.
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