Jake780 Member Profile

...See more Ok so wavetops of the situation: me 32 m her 30f and we have 2 kids. 2 years ago I messed up and flirted on ***. It happened I accept responsibility for it. I realized I had insecurity issues and I went to cognitive behavioral therapy and I’ve not stepped outside that boundary since. Wife did not deal with her emotions. She didn’t want them to win so she just bottled it up A couple months ago I go on deployment and she just starts having outbursts and realized in her own she needed therapy to heal and move on. I support this and try to help her find one. 3 months go by and I realize now that I was clinging too hard to make it work and never gave her the space to work her stuff out. I’m like alone here. Don’t have a good support structure and so losing her was the only thing I could think about. We got into an argument over something that she admitted was small and she brought up the idea of a trial seperation. I have no idea if this was her or if her friends suggested it. She has a therapy session yesterday and today she drops the hey we’re separated. She says she doesn’t plan to tell anyone. And her goal is to come back from this and her goal is not divorce. I’m out here still on deployment feeling the most lonely I’ve ever felt in my life and it really sucks not having someone to call home to. We have the boundaries set like we’re not going to talk to or like seek anything from anyone of the opposite sex including comfort dating etc. we have like an understanding that I can call the kids whenever. She doesn’t want it to be non contact but wants less contact so that she gets the space that I didn’t give her when she needed it. Also like I had an epiphany right before she dropped the bomb that she wants one. I’m a fixer I kept trying to fix it instead of acknowledging her feelings and giving her what she needed. Like it was just 3 days too late I guess. Talked to her today tried to make her feel heard and validated. She said my main thing is I try to control everything and I need to stop. Like I give her opinions and stuff on stuff that she’s not looking for opinions on. I tried to control the terms of our separation without just trusting her. And ya I realize now I did this. And I want to change for myself. And I want her back Basically if anyone has been through this can you please let me know how long it lasted, if it worked out, any advice? Should I still text her to talk every now and again? Like I just genuinely don’t know what to do. And like how do I get through this without calling her. I workout for like 2 hours a day but when I’m done with my day like I just want to share it with her.

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