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JaxLawrence
45,786 M Crossing Mileposts 6
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts2,845 Forum posts19 Forum upvotes11 Current upvotes11 Age GroupAdult Last activeJanuary, 2024 Member sinceMarch 26, 2016
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I am depressed, but I'm also confused.
Depression Support / by JaxLawrence
Last post
 September 12th, 2017
...See more I don't know if this is the right place for me to post this. Admins, please move this to the correct category if you feel like this post doesn't belong here. I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't know if I just want to vent, or if I'm looking for advice as well. But I do know this, I'm in pain. When I wake up in the morning, on most days, I lay in bed for a while even after I wake up. Maybe for about an hour (which is pathetically long according to me). I think about my girl. I imagine what life would've been like if she were real, and if she were here with me. I imagine great things, things that I've always wanted to feel. I imagine her doing things for me, making me feel important and special. And then, I come back to reality, and I cry in a very pathetic manner. I even surf online, asking stupid questions to Google, like "why doesn't my dream girl exist" and stuff like that. And I do the same thing at night, once I turn off the lights, lay in bed, and ready myself to fall asleep. Same thoughts, and same kind of crying happens, before I fall asleep. I usually cry myself to sleep, knowing she doesn't exist. And sometimes, in the middle of the day, when I find myself free, having nothing to do. I drift away into my fantasies again. So yeah, the thing is, I know for a fact that she doesn't exist. There is no chance whatsoever. It's absolutely 0%, and not even a miracle can make her exist, ever. I know I'm all alone, and will be all alone. I have come to terms with the reality, and even though I am not happy about it, I have accepted the fact that she doesn't exist. Yet, I think about her every day, and cry, wasting tons of my time and emotional energy on something that can't be fixed. Why does that happen? I am thinking about her every day, crying over her non-existence every day. I know she's not real, and won't ever be real. But still, my brain constantly thinks about her, and what life would've been like if she were here. It is pathetic, and I am not getting anywhere. What is happening to my subconscious? What is my subconscious trying to do, or trying to tell me? I tried 7Cups listeners, but they don't ever reply quickly, usually because they're chatting with a bunch of other people, while I only chat with one listener at a time. I also tried 7Cups group chats, but usually there's no one there, or I get ignored. I even tried other websites, but the people over there are usually even worse than most over here on 7Cups, going to the extent of calling me names, and virtually abusing me. Thankfully, I haven't faced that sort of treatment on 7Cups yet, as far as I can remember. But anyway, that is why I am here, posting this on the forums, because I didn't get any worthwhile responses anywhere else. I hope I'll get somewhere by the time this discussion is over. Also, thanks for taking the time to read this post. You're a very beautiful person, you know that? Have a great day.
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What
Relationship Stress / by JaxLawrence
Last post
 July 17th, 2017
...See more NOTE: Admins, please move this thread to the suitable category, I posted it here cause I had no idea where this would fit. SECOND NOTE: It took me two hours to type it all, it's very long, and I suggest you read all of it before replying, otherwise skip to the end and respond only to the question, without responding to my opinions if you opt not to read them. I know for a fact that most of you are already annoyed by reading the title of the topic, but if you wanna continue reading this post and respond to it with the intent of being productive, then you've gotta calm down and allow yourself to finish reading before making any impulsive reactions. The amount of hatred I see towards people who prefer virgin partners is absolutely ridiculous. Case in point: I originally thought I would do the same with multiple images, but I might as well save time and move on with this. Here's my stance on this entire topic: I have a lot of criteria and if a girl conflicts one of those, I won't even consider her as someone I can be with. One of those criteria, is virginity. And when I say this in online chatrooms, such as 7Cups or PeoplesProblems [https://www.peoplesproblems.org/], I get amazing responses. I even start off with "this topic might make you angry, so I do not wanna trigger you or waste your time", and they usually say "I promise I won't get angry". However, once I tell them that I want my future partner to be a virgin, they explore with rage. One of them ended the conversation with "yes I am calling you names, f**k off dude" and blocked me. And that was absolutely hilarious, cause I didn't abuse that person even once, but that person lost their shit in an instant over absolutely nothing! And yes, there are ones who do not get angry, but tell me that I am wrong, or a bad person, and use assumptions to support their statements. I am gonna debunk those assumptions. 1. So even though you have had sex before, you wanna be the first one to f*** her?! That's hypocritical! Okay, I'm gonna ignore the entire "hypocritical" comment and clarify this one. I am an 18 year old virgin, I haven't even had a relationship yet. I haven't been romantically or sexually intimate with anyone, and I am extremely sensitive. When I love, or even like someone, I can't stand the thought of them ever loving someone else, let alone doing stuff with someone else like kissing and having sex. Yes, it's natural, and everyone has the right to do what they want to do with their body. However, my feelings, are also very much natural and I can't control them. 2. Ah, you're one of those religious types! Absolutely not! I am an atheist, and there's a whole new set of assumptions that comes when I say that I am an atheist, like "you are egoistic", or "you are a rebel", or "so you loathe religions", none of which is true (well, maybe the rebel part, although there's no clear definition as to what rebel means in this context). The point is, I am not religious, and my feelings and decisions aren't based on some beliefs, or a book like the Bible. They are purely a result of who I am and how I feel. And yes, I would never get emotionally or sexually involved with a very spiritual girl, and that is not only because she is likely to be praying in a church/mosque/temple if I ever end up getting hospitalized in the future due to reasons, rather than being by my side, holding my hand and comforting me with her presence. It is also because such a girl is likely to never fully love me due to this difference, and god is likely to always come first for her. However, I would not mind if my future girlfriend/wife belongs to a religion and isn't overly spiritual. Anyways, I am sorry for rambling away from the entire virginity issue. Here's the next assumption-based response I usually get. 3. We women are not objects whose value decreases after every use. Of course, I never even remotely implied that. I have been a part of 45 women's right movements in my life, and considering that I'm 18 years old, it's not a big deal, but sure as hell not a minor achievement. Usually, when people say "think about a person", a "man" comes to their minds. In some cases, including mine, a "man" comes to my mind, and a "woman" comes to my mind. It's randomized, but it's equal. So to all the feminists that might target me and other people like me with this stuff, keep in mind, I am not a feminist, but sure as hell not a misogynist. I consider both genders to be equally powerful, equally smart and I don't see many differences between both genders. So back to the main point, I do not consider women or men as objects. Both of beautiful genders, and it's beyond my capacity to imagine how either genders can be objectified. 4. I see. You are afraid that if your partner is a non-virgin, you won't measure up to her ex-partners. No! That is definitely not the case. I know that even though I haven't had sex yet (and probably never will), I will at least be average during my first time, if not a pro. There's no actual, scientific explanation for why I feel this way. It's just that some things, including sex, aren't always necessarily taught to people. Some people just turn out to be good, naturally. I have heard at least a few people say that their best lover was a virgin before the two got it on. So there's proof that during my first time, if that indeed ever happens, it is possible that I might rock her world. Regardless of that, I am not afraid of her comparing me to her exes, but the fact that she actually had exes will kill me. 5. Your pride is so weak, it'll crumble if you lose it to a virgin?! Pathetic! What are you even talking about? It has nothing to do with my pride or my ego. I am not saying I don't have a pride or an ego, I'm just saying that it's to big to get hurt by an issue like that. :p But jokes apart, it's just gonna be my heart that's gonna be hurt. I have always imagined relationships, love and sex as fairytales, which means that I must feel special. Here's a scenario: Imagine taking someone you like on a hiking trip. And every time you try to start a conversation during the hiking, they tell you "shut up" or say stuff like "I wanna go home", or "there's no Wi-Fi here, gimme your phone and let me text my friends". And after the entire hiking is ruined, once you two reach the end, at a cliff, and look at the sunset, they stand far away from you as you two look at that beautiful view, or they refuse to hold hands while looking at the sunset, or they drown their face into their phone as you look at the sunset all by yourself and tears run down your face. Now one thing I forgot to tell you, it's the very first time you've been hiking over there, and it's the first time you've looked at that view, while they've done both of those things. Would it be as special as you would intend it to be? Chances are, no. Now imagine the same scenario, except neither of you have been hiking at that place, or seen that view. You both have lovely, deep conversations while hiking, help each other every time you get tired, take breaks and share food with each other, and finally, enjoy the beautiful sunset at the cliff while sharing a magical kiss. Which one sounds better? Obviously, the second scenario. Sorry for rambling away into this, but my point is, the reason why I wanna be my future girlfriend's/wife's first crush, first love, first boyfriend, first kiss, first sexual partner, first husband, and pretty much first at everything romantic and sexual, is because it would make both of us feel warm, special, enchanted. 6. You self-righteous, entitled piece of s**t! Yeah sure, I am all of that. Except I am none of that. :p I never claimed that the world owes me a relationship, let alone a relationship with a virgin. I know that I am not entitled to it, and I know that I didn't do anyone a favor by not doing any of that so far. In fact, I'm completely fine with being alone for life if the girl of my dreams doesn't show up. Remember, I didn't place any sort of demand whatsoever! I just stated my opinions and feelings, and that doesn't make me unfair or a bad person in any manner. But of course, you would rather respond with "you have freedom of speech, so do I, and I think you're an a*****e", to which I would applaud and say "I am proud of you". 7. So you believe that people shouldn't have sex till marriage. Nope, absolutely not. I don't believe "people" should do anything. I don't care about "people", and they can do what they want to. My opinion is strictly limited to myself, and my future significant other. I do not look down on anyone for having sex, whether they are married, or in a relationship, or just hooking up. I have plenty of non-virgin friends, male and female, and I don't lecture them for having done it like you may be imagining in your head. That being said, even I myself don't believe in "no sex before marriage". In fact, I would most definitely want to have sex with my future partner before we get married, although I wouldn't push her into it. 8. So if you're in love with a non-virgin, simply have sex with a prostitute or someone else, just to get even. Then you can't say "I'm a virgin and she's not", and that will solve everything. Okay, that's a little weird. Sex isn't about numbers or keeping score. It's something that I intend to share with only person, and I want her to share it with only me. And keeping all of that aside, I can't ever fall in love with a non-virgin, at least not after knowing she's not a virgin (and I already sense people quoting this part and in response, saying I am a bad person). And also, I can never have sex with a prostitute, or any other non-virgin girl. I directly connect my virginity with love, which is why, I want my first experience to be special. I don't wanna be a virgin with a non-virgin partner, I don't wanna be a non-virgin with a virgin partner, I wanna be either a virgin with a virgin partner, or a virgin without a partner. 9. So get a virgin girl who has given a few BJs to guys, so that at least she will be good at that. Trust me, you will feel good. You are very off-base for thinking that. Here's society's mainstream definition of female virginity which most people believe in: "If a girl's hymen in her vagina is intact, she is a virgin". Even that is scientifically proven to be wrong, since the hymen can break very easily without any sexual activity involved, and the blood may come out during menstruation, which is why most girls won't even realize that their hymen broke. Plus, a hymen can be surgically reconstructed. But no, according to me, that's not the proper definition of a virgin. According to me, if a girl has had a penis inside her vagina, done anal sex, BJs, let someone else finger her, eat her out, play with her breasts, or even shown herself naked to another person, she's not a virgin. Even though a person who has kissed is a virgin, I won't ever consider being with someone who has kissed before because it would kill me. 10. So you would prefer an evil virgin over a good experienced girl as your girlfriend?! That's insane! No. I have many criteria, not just virginity, meaning that if a girl is a virgin, it won't automatically make me like her or fall in love with her. I won't consider her as my future partner if she conflicts any of my other criteria, some of which are, 'she should be afraid of losing me', 'I should be her number one priority', 'she should not be an actress or a model' etc. Keep in mind, those are criteria, meaning they are my requirements, not expectations. That's not something I can compromise on, they are directly linked to how I feel, and I can't ever imagine my future partner conflicting any of those, as the only feeling I would get after that would be pain! END OF DEBUNKING So, my opinions and everything is pretty much covered up in the debunked assumptions. If you wanna respond to my opinions, feel free. However, keep a calm and rational mind while reading the post and replying to it, do not let your impulses cloud your judgement. My intentions are to find out why people show immediate and huge amounts of hatred towards people who say they want or prefer to have a virgin partner. Please do not respond with more assumptions, keep everything clear and simple. Don't assume anything, if you think "so and so thing" about me is true, please ask me first before actually believing that it is actually true and responding according to it. If you wanna ask questions, feel free. If you wanna counter my opinions, feel free. If you wanna provide solutions, feel free. I intend to keep this a rational discussion in which we are all indulging to derive information and people's opinions. And if you chose to skip to the end without reading my opinions, my final questions to you are: 1. Do you prefer a virgin or non-virgin partner? 2. Do you hate people who prefer to have a virgin partner? If so, why? 3. What's your stance on this entire issue? 4. Why do you think people hate those who prefer to have a virgin partner? Admins, I am sorry about the amount of graphic content involved, I am new to the 7Cups forums. Please censor whichever parts you think are inappropriate, but please do not remove the post, as I am really curious about this and I believe retaining this information would do a lot of good for people like me.
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