I am depressed, but I'm also confused.

I don't know if this is the right place for me to post this. Admins, please move this to the correct category if you feel like this post doesn't belong here.

I don't know what I'm looking for. I don't know if I just want to vent, or if I'm looking for advice as well. But I do know this, I'm in pain.

When I wake up in the morning, on most days, I lay in bed for a while even after I wake up. Maybe for about an hour (which is pathetically long according to me). I think about my girl. I imagine what life would've been like if she were real, and if she were here with me. I imagine great things, things that I've always wanted to feel. I imagine her doing things for me, making me feel important and special. And then, I come back to reality, and I cry in a very pathetic manner. I even surf online, asking stupid questions to Google, like "why doesn't my dream girl exist" and stuff like that.

And I do the same thing at night, once I turn off the lights, lay in bed, and ready myself to fall asleep. Same thoughts, and same kind of crying happens, before I fall asleep. I usually cry myself to sleep, knowing she doesn't exist.

And sometimes, in the middle of the day, when I find myself free, having nothing to do. I drift away into my fantasies again.

So yeah, the thing is, I know for a fact that she doesn't exist. There is no chance whatsoever. It's absolutely 0%, and not even a miracle can make her exist, ever. I know I'm all alone, and will be all alone. I have come to terms with the reality, and even though I am not happy about it, I have accepted the fact that she doesn't exist. Yet, I think about her every day, and cry, wasting tons of my time and emotional energy on something that can't be fixed.

Why does that happen? I am thinking about her every day, crying over her non-existence every day. I know she's not real, and won't ever be real. But still, my brain constantly thinks about her, and what life would've been like if she were here. It is pathetic, and I am not getting anywhere. What is happening to my subconscious? What is my subconscious trying to do, or trying to tell me?

I tried 7Cups listeners, but they don't ever reply quickly, usually because they're chatting with a bunch of other people, while I only chat with one listener at a time. I also tried 7Cups group chats, but usually there's no one there, or I get ignored. I even tried other websites, but the people over there are usually even worse than most over here on 7Cups, going to the extent of calling me names, and virtually abusing me. Thankfully, I haven't faced that sort of treatment on 7Cups yet, as far as I can remember. But anyway, that is why I am here, posting this on the forums, because I didn't get any worthwhile responses anywhere else. I hope I'll get somewhere by the time this discussion is over.

Also, thanks for taking the time to read this post. You're a very beautiful person, you know that? Have a great day.