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Jcm88
1 133 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts11 Forum posts4 Forum upvotes5 Current upvotes5 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2021 Member sinceNovember 18, 2021
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What should I do if we do end up working together again?
Relationship Stress / by Jcm88
Last post
 January 7th, 2022
...See more I was crushing really hard on a coworker, he knew how I felt but when we spoke he never gave me a solid answer. It was a lot or excuses on his part; we work together, we don’t really know each other, he didn’t want me to think he was flirting with me BUT that he thought I was cute and had wanted to hang out with me but felt like I would say no. We agreed to go on a date and than agreed not to. I didn’t feel 100% sold that he wanted to go out with me and asked if it was what he really wanted. He again kept talking about how we work together and how the manager didn’t like him blah blah we agreed to be friend and from then on I made it a priority to see him as just that. His actions toward me still confused me and the dynamic he seemed to create between us was also confusing but I really wanted to keep him in my life as a friend. Flash-forward, I quit my job 4 months ago. On my last day, we went out to dinner, we had a good time and I text him saying so. I also told him not to lose touch, that I was gonna miss him, that now we don’t work together that if he wanted to hang out it wouldn’t be a problem. He basically text back saying he wished me luck, that he would keep in touch from time to time but it seemed very cold. I had assumed we had a good friendly relationship because we texted, spoke at work, teased each other, even after I expressed my feelings. So, in my mind it wouldn’t be an issue if we kept in touch after I left since we were friendly. I thought maybe he was upset I was leaving because he seemed it during my last week. So, I tried to keep in touch with him, I texted him a couple of times and I would send him a meme through dm. The last time I sent him a meme I also asked how he was doing and he that’s when I realized he wanted 0 to do with me. He gave me a 2 word answer and we’ve never spoke again. I’m not going to lie, I felt extremely hurt and used. I figured it’s fine he doesn’t crush on me like I do him but I thought we had a friendship at least. I just saw him on Tuesday after not seeing him in 4 months. I went to meet up with my friend, that works at the same office as him. I know he knew I was there bc he stepped out and he must’ve seen me sitting with the manager (whom I worked with before and am also close too). My friend saw him sitting in the back after he came back inside and told him i was there, he acted surprised, and my friend told him to say hi. She said he was acting weird, like all uncertain or nervous but she was like whats the big deal?! He did say hi to me but he did seem awkward. I just don’t understand, he’s the one that somewhat ghosted me, why was he nervous or awkward in seeing me again. As I was leaving, I just waved and didn’t even try to make small talk which was my plan originally. The irony of all this is we might be working together again. But, if that does happen I want to set boundaries, which is what I should’ve done after I expressed how I felt to him. If I do end up going back to my old job, how should I bring up the subject without sounding bitter or hurt. He takes himself too seriously and I don’t want him to think I’m hung up on him still.
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When you realize someone is a gaslighter
Relationship Stress / by Jcm88
Last post
 December 6th, 2021
...See more I had a huge crush on a former coworker but because of his actions I felt delusional and confused. When we were together, speaking to him, I felt like we had known each other for forever. It was always easy going, he would be playful with me but in a flirty way and he would bother me a lot. He would be very serious and worried if I were upset and or not feeling well, he would always go out of his way to make sure I was alright even cheer me up when I was sad. At times, I would even feel him looking my way or checking me out. It was discreet but I felt it anyway, there were even moments that I was certain he was gonna ask me out or trying to at least but he never did. But he would be very distant and a jerk around certain coworkers. He would be rude to me, if he joked it wouldn’t be flirty and he would make sure not to act worried about me or make to much eye contact. I started to feel crazy and delusional, I didn’t feel like I was so in love with him that I was seeing stuff or wanting stuff to be true but his actions started to make me question my sanity. So when people would ask why I thought he liked me, I would stay quiet and not want to voice it because I felt as if they felt sorry for me. They didn’t see him liking me because he didn’t show them the him I knew. The caring, kind, funny, smart guy I was accustomed to speaking too. I even voiced my crush for him, I told him how I felt and all I heard was how we worked together and how we this and that but that he had always found me cute and had wanted to hang out with me but felt like I was gonna say no. We went from agreeing to go on a date to not going on a date because I could tell he felt on uncertain of his decision. Honestly, he’s a ball of confusion. I feel lighter because just now a friend of mine that works with him was saying how he had added this girl at work that he barely knows in ig. And mind you, this guy is someone that is very reserved and will even say that he has a hard time opening up and has also gone on record to say that he doesn’t mix work life with his personal. So, needless to say, it’s funny that mr. I don’t mix work and personal has become so chummy with someone he supposedly doesn’t even know. So, I said that he might have a crush on her and my friend told me that she think he does. And everything I ever felt around him, my friend described. That he bothers her, that he’s playful but in a flirty way, that he speaks to her as if he’s known her forever. Literally, everything I would see with me but felt like maybe I was reading to much into it to say. It’s so good to know I wasn’t making it up or seeing things that weren’t there. It saddens me to realize that he’s a gaslighter though and that he started to literally throw me breadcrumbs. One of my other coworkers, not the one that works with him, was positive that he liked me and even thought this guy and I had a thing. I don’t know why finding this out made me feel better because the situations are different but it made me feel validated in a sense. I don’t know if it makes sense to anyone else but it feels good to know I wasn’t delusional.
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Why did he do this?
Relationship Stress / by Jcm88
Last post
 November 21st, 2021
...See more This is a vent. I wish I could understand why this guy I had a crush on kept playing with my feelings?! I just didn’t deserve it, I don’t lead people on and I never lead him on. He KNEW how I felt even before I said anything to him. Why did he keep feeding into something he knew he wanted nothing of? I had a crush on a coworker, it started off slow and I really thought he was hitting on me first. I know it might sound funny and maybe delusional but it was the way he looked at me. When we were around each other he would always treat me differently, at least that how I felt. The way he was; he seemed attentive, caring, funny, worried and I would some times catch him being jealous if I were talking to male customer or a coworker. I have to admit I was hesitant to admit I liked him at first, I’m not very good at relationships, so I would pull away and at times be a tad immature but after he went on a trip and I really saw how much I missed him I decided to give it a try. But he never made a move, he would at times imply stuff or even make it seem like he was gonna ask me out but he never did. I started to tell myself that he was just this way with everyone, the joking and whatnot and that I was reading too much into everything else. The thing is, anytime I would try to pull away and set a boundary where he was concerned. I would feel like he would realize and again feed into my feelings. He would treat me one way one on one and differently if in a group. Finally, I had enough of this uncertainty and told him how I felt through text because of the pandemic we weren’t seeing each other. I told him in the text that I didn’t expect a reply back because truthfully I was telling him how I felt in the hopes of him stopping this pull he had over me. He ended up not responding but he was behaving in a childish way, he had taken down a drawing he gave me from my work station. So I text him asking what was his problem, if he wanted to meet up. We ended up meeting and again I told him how I felt, he told me that we worked together and that he didn’t want me to feel led on because he joked with everyone the same way (to which I replied that I did feel treated differently by him). That he was a different person outside the bank and why exactly did I like him, so I told him he had valid reasons and that we can’t choose who we like but we can choose who we entertain. That I wasn’t expecting a declaration from him because to me he was doing him at the moment but that I wasn’t sure because at times I thought he might like me. So he ends up telling me that he always found me cute, that he had wanted to hang out with me but felt like I would say no. That my personality can be a bit abrasive and he wasn’t sure. With that new info, I just wasn’t sure what to make of it so I asked him what did he want to go on a date. He said yes but the more we spoke the more it seemed like he regretted his decision. I ended up asking him what it was that he wanted, did he really wan to go out with me or was he regretting having said yes. He went back to saying how we work together and that the manager didn’t like him so I broke the date off. I told him if he wanted to be friends, I could be his friend, that I had always liked him as a friend but that I wasn’t at the bank to boost his ego. Flash forward, he continued to do the same things. Just plain confusing me with his actions. Jealous that I had told him I knew someone that knew Japanese, he even wrote a note to the person that said your an idiot. When he found out it was my sister, he felt stupid for mistreating me. Then he again had a jealousy episode when I had mentioned I found someone cute, he ended up calling me thirsty and we got in an argument because of it. I told him I hadn’t gotten the impression he was into me when we met up and that I wanted to know exactly what it was he wanted with me. The things that I didn’t like about him was that I felt very gaslighted. He would say things to me, just to me, he would act differently around me. When I told my other coworker ( and also good friend) what had happened last year, the first words out of her mouth were that she didn’t believe he liked me. He made me feel crazy, it was so subtle the way he would act with me and around a group. And when we went 2 months without speaking, he told me he had never called only me thirsty but myself and the other coworker. That I heard what I wanted. i hate that until today I feel uncertain about everything that happened with him. I feel like he played with my feelings, my emotions and my mental but he didn’t care. Why couldn’t he stop after we spoke at the park?! If he really didn’t want me to think that he was hitting on me or leading me on why did he continue to act like he was jealous? Why did he continue to act differently around me? I didn’t deserve it.
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