When you realize someone is a gaslighter

I had a huge crush on a former coworker but because of his actions I felt delusional and confused. When we were together, speaking to him, I felt like we had known each other for forever. It was always easy going, he would be playful with me but in a flirty way and he would bother me a lot. He would be very serious and worried if I were upset and or not feeling well, he would always go out of his way to make sure I was alright even cheer me up when I was sad. At times, I would even feel him looking my way or checking me out. It was discreet but I felt it anyway, there were even moments that I was certain he was gonna ask me out or trying to at least but he never did.

But he would be very distant and a jerk around certain coworkers. He would be rude to me, if he joked it wouldn’t be flirty and he would make sure not to act worried about me or make to much eye contact. I started to feel crazy and delusional, I didn’t feel like I was so in love with him that I was seeing stuff or wanting stuff to be true but his actions started to make me question my sanity. So when people would ask why I thought he liked me, I would stay quiet and not want to voice it because I felt as if they felt sorry for me. They didn’t see him liking me because he didn’t show them the him I knew. The caring, kind, funny, smart guy I was accustomed to speaking too. I even voiced my crush for him, I told him how I felt and all I heard was how we worked together and how we this and that but that he had always found me cute and had wanted to hang out with me but felt like I was gonna say no. We went from agreeing to go on a date to not going on a date because I could tell he felt on uncertain of his decision. Honestly, he’s a ball of confusion.

I feel lighter because just now a friend of mine that works with him was saying how he had added this girl at work that he barely knows in ig. And mind you, this guy is someone that is very reserved and will even say that he has a hard time opening up and has also gone on record to say that he doesn’t mix work life with his personal. So, needless to say, it’s funny that mr. I don’t mix work and personal has become so chummy with someone he supposedly doesn’t even know. So, I said that he might have a crush on her and my friend told me that she think he does. And everything I ever felt around him, my friend described. That he bothers her, that he’s playful but in a flirty way, that he speaks to her as if he’s known her forever. Literally, everything I would see with me but felt like maybe I was reading to much into it to say. It’s so good to know I wasn’t making it up or seeing things that weren’t there. It saddens me to realize that he’s a gaslighter though and that he started to literally throw me breadcrumbs. One of my other coworkers, not the one that works with him, was positive that he liked me and even thought this guy and I had a thing. I don’t know why finding this out made me feel better because the situations are different but it made me feel validated in a sense. I don’t know if it makes sense to anyone else but it feels good to know I wasn’t delusional.