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JennaSnowy235
193 M Embraced 1
PathStep 4 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes3 Current upvotes3 Age GroupAdult Last activeMarch, 2023 Member sinceDecember 18, 2018
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I don’t know what to do
Trauma Support / by JennaSnowy235
Last post
 March 18th, 2023
...See more I litteraly have no one around me that I can talk about it. I don’t have a psy, nor a therapist because I have BPD and they of course don’t want to deal with someone with BPD. I have my friends but I know it’s too hard to actually take it in and they’re not osychologists neither. My boyfriend is the same situation as my friends. Only my boyfriend knows and the day he knew he broke up in tears and I don’t want to do this to him. I still have his hands on me, I still feel it inside me. It happened when I was 6, I was at my neighbor’s house because their daughter was supposed to babysit me but she just left to a party instead and told me to go see her brother downstairs. At first, I was so confused in what happened to me. He made me come back every day to do the same things for 2 weeks until my family moved to another city. He was 17, 11 years older than I was. Now, my trauma keeps going back to me which I’m not sure why. (I guess it’s because I’m in my first relationship and having hands on me remind me of him maybe ?) I don’t know what to do, I don’t want to ruin my relationship. I want to be okay with my boyfriend touching me or not having flashbacks in the middle of doing it. I’m so tired and I want it to stop. My boyfriend of course is not mad at me for what happens to me. I don’t have anyone and I don’t know what to do to live normally with it.
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