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JessicaLH8908
45 M Embraced
PathStep 7 Compassion hearts5 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeMay, 2016 Member sinceMay 23, 2016
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Survivor of Someone Else's Suicide
Trauma Support / by JessicaLH8908
Last post
 May 26th, 2016
...See more When I was 17 my mother committed suicide. To say that we had a complicated relationship is the understatement of the century. She was actually my grandmother who adopted me because my biological parents didn't want me. She resented me my entire life because I reminded her of my biological mother, Amee. Susan, my grandmother, suffered from what I now realize was a list of mental illnesses. She was depressed and probably bipolar. She was also physically ill and suffered from horrible symptoms such as mini strokes, seizures, and chronic pain every day of her miserable life. And she did her best to make sure that my life was as agonizing as hers from the time that I was about 13 until she died. She hated me and it was painfully obvious. She constantly compared me to Amee, whom I grew up despising because she abandoned me and left me with that horrible witch of a woman. When I reached high school I began to rebel against her. I colored my hair black and cut it short because I knew she hated it, I refused to wear anything feminine or "pretty" by her terms. I wore dark colors and listened to Evanescence and was the epitome of a cliche little emo kid. The weekend she died we had a huge fight. I can't even remember what it was about anymore. I spent the night with a friend and came home Saturday morning. She was cold and hostile toward me immediately so I retreated to my room and put on a movie.
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