JohnDoe789 Member Profile

...See more Hello, So I'm 34 and from a big city, so I never needed to drive in my home town. When I moved 4 years ago to the USA with my American spouse, I got my instruction permit after a few months, because I know how important it is in most small towns here to drive. My wife was going to teach me, and everything was ok for the first one or two lessons where I was practicing in parking lots or empty streets. Once I started driving in semi busier roads she got very anxious (and making me anxious as well). So we stopped the lessons. Shortly after or around the same time she was involved in a minor car accident where she hit a guardrail. I didn't judge her and even replaced the damaged lights later. I found a neighbour who would teach me how to drive in her car, I was doing well, but then we moved to another town and I lost contact. I took a driving class as well, but it was expensive for just one hour and they expected me to practice outside of class, which I couldn't do because I had nobody to teach me. The year after, I renewed my instruction permit, but again, nobody could teach me (my wife was still too anxious) our car was having issues, and eventually it expired. The year after I didn't even try since the situation hadn't changed. Earlier this year I took the test again and got the instruction permit once again, my wife said she would try to calm down and teach me. It didn't work out either. A coworker drove with me a few times, but she was scared to get on busier roads and we would drive the same streets over and over. My neighbour accepted to help me but never answered my messages when I would try to schedule a date. Eventually I used some savings and paid for 5 driving classes with a local academy, letting them know I wouldn't be able to practice on my own. I passed the test and got my license. When I expressed to the instructor some concerns (I still had issues regulating speed and some of my turns weren't good) he said that would come with practice. I drove our car (my wife's dad got her a used car last year to replace the other one) once and everything was fine (however, my wife was so anxious that she stayed at home and drank alcohol at 9 am to calm down until I came home) However, when I drove it a second time to work, I turned too tightly into the parking lot and hit a pole on the side. It created a dent on the front fender and broke the passenger side mirror. The car is still drivable and I already ordered a replacement mirror. Now my wife is saying that she knew I would get into an accident because I'm 'too spacey', that I should already know how to correctly maneuver the car and the academy should have taught me that. That she doesn't want me to fix the car because I'm not a professional (we don't really have extra money for repairs), that she is afraid I will cause an accident, and that her dad will freak out when he sees the car. While I know that I'm an inexperienced driver and that I'm not very good with streets (bought a cellphone mount for a GPS), it's not that I was distracted or wanted to damage the car. I even have the radio off while I'm driving, there's nobody in the car with me, and I'm not looking at my phone. It happened because I'm not used to maneuver in tight spaces. That's why I try to park as far away from anyone else as I can. While I understand her anxiety, I think it's unfair that she is saying those things when she should have been the one teaching me in the first place. I feel that she left me to my own resources and now she complains when something happened. It's very hard to live here without a car, it takes me an hour and a half to get to work and back when it should only take me 15 minutes. I feel stupid for having crashed but I want to own up to it and fix it (doesn't seem THAT hard. I replaced the entire lights of the other car with no experience either, watching videos, and with minimal equipment). However, now driving is going to be a huge issue because if she was already anxious, now that something happened she will freak out even more, and I will be anxious thinking that she is anxious. Should I stop driving her car (our only car) and then try to buy the cheapest messed up car I can find to drive myself? That would probably mean some more months without driving. What should I do? Thanks

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