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JustCallMePockets
147 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts16 Forum posts3 Forum upvotes7 Current upvotes7 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2024 Member sinceJune 18, 2022
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It's paralyzing
Motivation & Accountability / by JustCallMePockets
Last post
 April 26th, 2024
...See more I'm just sitting here, my house is a mess, my mama is sick, and my kids are just doing whatever. My husband is always gone and I feel so disconnected from everyone. I'm utterly lonely. I wish I could be close to someone, but I'm so guarded. I've built up so many walls determined to be strong and not need anyone, I've walled myself into my own despair. Forgive me if the way I'm writing seems fragmented, I feel fragmented. I'm a failure. I've failed trying to begin a new career in real estate, my house has suffered from prioritizing that. My mama took over trying to help me, but I had things a certain way prior to her coming, and it's not like the way I had it anymore. It makes me frustrated to the point of disengaging altogether. I have no control of my house anymore. Sometimes I want to blow up about it, but I'd rather bite my tongue off than hurt my Mama's feelings or make her feel unwelcome. I wish I was closer to my husband, I wish we talked more and did more together. He's always working or helping someone out. Or just outside tinkering with something. At night he mostly has his earphones on watching YouTube. Idk what I want or expect. I don't know what to do to make me feel like I have a purpose. I say my kids but they're technically my niece and nephews that my mama has legal custody of. Of course they call her mama. I can't have kids, I have PCOS. I just want to have purpose and feel important. I feel so unneeded. I'm so overwhelmed with the state of my house idk where to start. I'm so ashamed of myself. I just want to cry and sleep. I used to use work as an escape, but my depression has gotten to the point of barely holding it together there. Mama used to tell me fake it til I make it, I don't even have the strength to wear that mask anymore
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