It's paralyzing
I'm just sitting here, my house is a mess, my mama is sick, and my kids are just doing whatever. My husband is always gone and I feel so disconnected from everyone. I'm utterly lonely. I wish I could be close to someone, but I'm so guarded. I've built up so many walls determined to be strong and not need anyone, I've walled myself into my own despair. Forgive me if the way I'm writing seems fragmented, I feel fragmented. I'm a failure. I've failed trying to begin a new career in real estate, my house has suffered from prioritizing that. My mama took over trying to help me, but I had things a certain way prior to her coming, and it's not like the way I had it anymore. It makes me frustrated to the point of disengaging altogether. I have no control of my house anymore. Sometimes I want to blow up about it, but I'd rather bite my tongue off than hurt my Mama's feelings or make her feel unwelcome. I wish I was closer to my husband, I wish we talked more and did more together. He's always working or helping someone out. Or just outside tinkering with something. At night he mostly has his earphones on watching YouTube. Idk what I want or expect. I don't know what to do to make me feel like I have a purpose. I say my kids but they're technically my niece and nephews that my mama has legal custody of. Of course they call her mama. I can't have kids, I have PCOS. I just want to have purpose and feel important. I feel so unneeded. I'm so overwhelmed with the state of my house idk where to start. I'm so ashamed of myself. I just want to cry and sleep. I used to use work as an escape, but my depression has gotten to the point of barely holding it together there. Mama used to tell me fake it til I make it, I don't even have the strength to wear that mask anymore
@JustCallMePockets I'm really sorry to hear that you're going through such a challenging time. It's clear that you're dealing with a lot, and it's completely okay to feel overwhelmed.
It's understandable that you're feeling disconnected and lonely, especially with the struggles in your house. It's okay to wish for closeness and support. Building walls to protect yourself is a common response, but reaching out is a brave step, and I appreciate your openness.
@JustCallMePockets
REST-RETHINK-RECHARGE-REST
Be Proud of Yourself
@JustCallMePockets
It sounds like you're going through an incredibly tough time right now. I can hear how overwhelmed and isolated you're feeling with everything going on. It's completely understandable that you're struggling with so many different challenges at once. It must be incredibly hard to feel like you're losing control of your home and to feel disconnected from your family, especially with your husband being absent and your mama being sick. It sounds like you're carrying a lot on your shoulders, and it's okay to feel the weight of it all.
Feeling like you're failing can be incredibly tough, but it's important to remember that you're not alone in this. It's brave of you to share your feelings and to reach out for support. Your emotions are valid, and it's okay to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and unsure about what to do next. It's clear that you're trying your best to navigate through these challenges, even though it might not feel that way right now.
Finding purpose and feeling important is something many people struggle with, especially when facing multiple challenges. It's okay to take things one step at a time and to give yourself permission to prioritize your well-being. You mentioned feeling disconnected and guarded, which are understandable reactions given everything you're going through. Building walls around yourself can sometimes feel like a coping mechanism, but it's important to remember that reaching out for support and allowing yourself to be vulnerable can also be incredibly healing.
I hear you when you say you're overwhelmed with the state of your house, and it's understandable that you don't know where to start. Maybe we can break it down together into smaller, manageable tasks, or find someone who can lend a hand so that the burden doesn't feel as heavy.
Remember, it's okay to ask for help and to lean on your support system during difficult times. You don't have to carry this weight alone. Your feelings are valid, and you deserve compassion and understanding as you navigate through this challenging period in your life.
Thank you all so much for everything you've said. I don't come on here a lot so when I saw all of your uplifting messages I couldn't help but cry with a sort of relief someone understands.
