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Justconfused87
5,001 M Seeking Light 7
PathStep 42 Compassion hearts530 Forum posts14 Forum upvotes34 Current upvotes34 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2018 Member sinceAugust 28, 2015
Bio
Im a happily married mother of 2. I am on a journey of self discovery and realizing there are some things i need to over come from my past to be a better mother and wife. I enjoy listening to music, writing, reading, video games, binge watching netflix, food.
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It's time for me.
Trauma Support / by Justconfused87
Last post
 March 12th, 2018
...See more February 26, 2018 my older sister was pulled from life support. She had OD'd late the 24th or early morning the 25th. Her brain went dead. They kept her alive for 24hours before they let her go. I sat around for a day... Praying for a miracle... She didnt come back. Me and her had not been that close, in recent years or really ever, yet her death shattered me. When her death happened I kept thinking back to the night we had last really hung out. We had a few drinks but the conversation was real. She disclosed her trauma to me which was the same as mine. Noone in our family but eachother had gone through it (and the other sister that had, has it buried so far down she doesnt remember it or wont admit it, but thats not for today). I tried to stay sober after her death, I truly did but I ended up getting hammered that night and all through the next day. I ended up pissing off all my sisters... I was a total wreck. I showed up at my moms where they have a no alcohol rule for week days. My sister that lives with my mom called me to ream me out the next day while I was still drunk and we got into a fight. Said mean things. Noone understood why I was lashing out and acting the way I was. Why was I so hurt? I wasn't even her biological sister. Why was I making her death about me? Why was I using her as an excuse to drink? "She is just being dramatic and attention seeking again". I guess that's what happens when your only ally in a trauma goes.... Your left alone with noone else to understand you. February 28, 2018. I woke up this day after crying in my husbands arms all night. Scaring my 3 year old daughter... And I told myself... That not only was I not going to drink again, I was going to deal with my trauma. I cant say for certain our trauma is why my sister was an addict but I suspect it contributed to it. I am not going to let our trauma destroy me any longer. I will find a way to move on. I will not leave my children without a mother or my husband without the love of his life. My life story will not be a tragedy.
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