Skip to main content Skip to bottom nav
Kadessa00
1 389 M Embraced 3
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts2 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeApril, 2021 Member sinceNovember 25, 2015
Bio
Recent forum posts
Kadessa00 profile picture
Post break--Is he already with someone after only two weeks?
Relationship Stress / by Kadessa00
Last post
 September 14th, 2016
...See more My boyfriend and I had been together for 2.5 years. Last September he moved to Africa for a temporary work assignment. He's been there for a year now. We made long distance work because we were in constant contact with one another--via texting, FaceTime, etc. Plus, he was able to come back and visit (for work or vacation) 4-5 times a year. We have had our share of fights--usually about time spent with one another. He would usually initiate a short break after them since he can't deal well with conflict. Somehow, we always patched things up and pushed to make things work. However, somethings go overlooked or unresolved. In his April visit, we fought about him not spending time with me and opting to be with his buddies (some of which I didn't meet). I had always been insecure about not meeting a wide range of his friends. After a period of silence after the fight, we resolved to patch things up again. His next visit was in late July for my birthday. He brought his son along, it was his first time back since moving to Africa last September. The first few days went well. We celebrated my birthday together. It was bliss. He even brought up (yet again) the prospect of coming to live with him. I had some issues to work out with at my job so we had to wait and see. But the invite was there. He then called one day to let me know he was hanging with his boys. Something in me snapped, recalling the incident in the spring. I assumed he wouldn't get to spend time with me during this trip--between catching up with friends and being with family. I had been going through some difficult stress over work, which he had been supportive of, but during the visit, he didn't see how his absence was triggering isolation and anxiety in me. I expressed anger and frustration. I didn't want to compete against his family, but I really wanted to feel incorporated and included in his life. After 2.5 years, I thought I would have reached that. He apologized and wanted me to be patient. I was still angry, especially given the lack of quality time together. So, I kept pushing back. I said some mean things. He grew silent. So, we both took some time and space from each other. He returned to his post. Then, I reached out after two weeks. I apologized. He was cold. He said he didn't want to continue. He was angry at me for being mad, but really didn't realize why I was mad. Then he dropped the atomic bomb saying he was already seeing someone else, someone there. I was livid. I always trusted him, so I was in incredible disbelief. How can we go from in love just a few weeks ago to this?! How can the man who invited me on several occasions to move in with him do this? How could the man who said he would never give up on us do this? Im broken. Im in so much pain. I am so confused and struggling to understand--Is he making her up to get back at me? If she's real, did they hook up after our fight? How long has she been in the picture? Was he seeing her when we were together?! Does he even feel sorry about what happened? Does he have any morsel of understanding as to why I was angry? I just wanted time with him. I wanted to be more a part of his life after some 2.5 years. I told him explicitly this. What went wrong could've been forgiven and worked out... if we were both willing. Why did he have to jump into someone else's arms? I'm here struggling. Fighting to save my career (career change) and my relationship. I wish he were here to support me as he always did, but his absence is making everything so much more difficult. I blocked him the days following the news of the other woman, but unblocked him after I gathered myself. He hasn't blocked me from his media--I suspect he's actually been checking in on me (as some of the site monitors have detected). Still, I am in a funk. I keep hope that we can have a chance to reconcile and really really fix what needs fixing. But if this woman is real, I don't know how to deal with the betrayal. To
Search more from @Kadessa00
Considering Therapy?
Talk to an expert therapist
Badges & Awards
8 total badges
Hand Shake Linked Chief Chat Reconnect First Post Reaching out First Compassion Strong Bond I
Report an issue