Kairella Member Profile

...See more Hello. I'm new to this website so I hope I'm posting in the right place. So lately I've been really depressed, more than usual. I've been feeling guilty. Like it's my fault I don't have any friends. I understand why though. I'm not emotionally invested like I want to be. I just I don't know how to keep friends. It's like I expect them to talk to me first, and I know that doesn't work all the time. I'm just scared. I also have social anxiety so that makes it harder to reach out to people and try to make friends. And I just pushed away the friends I did have. Sometimes I just sit around crying my eyes out, wondering why this happened to me. I sit there wondering what it would be like if I just didn't exist anymore. Would anyone miss me? I know my family would, that's why I won't go through with it. But would anyone else miss me? Probably not. I guess I'm just selfish for thinking only about myself and how I feel and not about anyone else's feelings. Maybe that's why no one wants to be around me. I can be really negative and that tends to push people away. I post negative status updates too. My reasoning is that I'm trying to get someone's attention but I realize it only irritates people. At least that's how I've come to see the situation. Please, I'm not expecting anyone to know how to help me, but it would be great if some did. It probably won't happen. Maybe just someone who understands how I feel. I'm getting my medication soon. I ran out so I've been going without it for a while. Hopefully it will make me feel better.

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