I feel like I'm getting worse.
Hello. I'm new to this website so I hope I'm posting in the right place.
So lately I've been really depressed, more than usual. I've been feeling guilty. Like it's my fault I don't have any friends. I understand why though. I'm not emotionally invested like I want to be. I just I don't know how to keep friends. It's like I expect them to talk to me first, and I know that doesn't work all the time. I'm just scared. I also have social anxiety so that makes it harder to reach out to people and try to make friends. And I just pushed away the friends I did have.
Sometimes I just sit around crying my eyes out, wondering why this happened to me. I sit there wondering what it would be like if I just didn't exist anymore. Would anyone miss me? I know my family would, that's why I won't go through with it. But would anyone else miss me? Probably not. I guess I'm just selfish for thinking only about myself and how I feel and not about anyone else's feelings.
Maybe that's why no one wants to be around me. I can be really negative and that tends to push people away. I post negative status updates too. My reasoning is that I'm trying to get someone's attention but I realize it only irritates people. At least that's how I've come to see the situation.
Please, I'm not expecting anyone to know how to help me, but it would be great if some did. It probably won't happen. Maybe just someone who understands how I feel.
I'm getting my medication soon. I ran out so I've been going without it for a while. Hopefully it will make me feel better.
@Kairella Living with depression is hard. I know, I do it too. I want you to know that the negative way you see yourself at the moment is a result of your depression.
"Depression lies to you" Matt Haig in the wonderful book Reasons to Stay Alive ( which I highly recommend)
Right now, the depression is putting a filter across your view of the world and making you think its lies are reality. They are not. You can learn to manage your condition and things will get better.
Send me a message if you'd like to chat 121
@benevolentSpring21 Thank you. I might look into the book.
Sometimes I know what I tell myself are lies, but other times the depression is so bad I find it hard not to believe it.
@Kairella I'm so sorry you feel this way. But you know what you are doing right? You're recognizing your emotions, which is such a wonderful thing that I see so many people forget to do. That is a big, important step and I am proud of you for that. What are your coping mechanisms?
@scarletLyricist I listen to music a lot. I also like to draw, which I haven't been doing very often. I like to read. I watch Youtube. I like singing and dancing.
I also try to identify triggers, things that will affect my mood negatively. Going on Facebook and seeing everyone's post about how happy they are is a trigger for me, because it makes me feel depressed about my own situation.
@Kairella Hey, we have a lot of the same coping skills! Keep drawing, if that's what is beneficial to you. I know that I sometimes lose motivation when I'm looking for something to fill my time when I'm feeling bad, so I oftentimes do not try to break out my supplies, but when I do, I feel a lot better. I have a small sketchbook and a cup of colorful markers on my headboard that I use to draw my emotions or something that makes me feel something, ex. a quote in a pretty font with flowers. As for the whole Facebook thing, I was on the same path as you with that. I uninstalled the app (along with all my other social media) and am taking a break from it to focus on myself and my mental health. I suggest you do the same for a day or two, or maybe even a week or a month. You don't have to delete your account- just stay logged out. Maybe if this is helpful, turn off your notifications for these websites. I hope some of this helped you. Please don't hesitate to ask for more help. :)
Hello all, i am new to this forum. Lately i have been dealing with bouts of depression (more than usual) regarding a friendship that is falling apart because of me. I have struggled through this friendship for five years, and tonight i think i may have ruined it for good.
@LeprechaunsandLollies
What seems to be the issue?
@Adaptiveperspectives
We're on different paths now. I am still getting help for myself, and he is already through recovery. We both have the same diagnosis, but different mentalities. He is more on the positive side, and i tend to hover in the grey area because of my past. We have been through a lot, but he cannot handle the mood swings that come with bpd. We will see if we can get through this like the rest of the past issues.
