Karsynb90 Member Profile

...See more My name is Karsyn and I am new to this app. i am a 17 year old female. Some background information: the only death that’s been in my life was either when i was too young to understand death or i didn’t know my family members who died like great aunts or third cousins. I have a very strong connection with my Grandpa ( Papa), he is my heart and soul. five years ago he started to have heart problems and during the past five years and until now i’ve become terrified of death. anytime i heard a phone ring i thought it was someone saying my Papa had died. anytime i got a notification on my phone, i thought it was a text saying he had died. this paranoia became so bad that anytime i was having fun i would randomly think my Papa had died and i would call him and cry. this paranoia has also taken over my dreams and i can’t sleep at night. i don’t know why i have these thoughts but the fear of losing the people i love the most has been crippling me for quite some time now. Earlier today I got a call from my mother. she told me that my Grandma ( Nina) had a cancerous mass in her colon and she had to get surgery two days from now. everyone else in my family is busy the day of her surgery, so i was told that i need to supervise my Nina in case she turns for the worst because i know how to call 911. My great grandpa died of colon cancer, but he died after his surgery. what if something goes wrong and i’m with my Nina when she dies? I have never dealt with the pain of a loved one dying before let alone dying right next to you. i hope i don’t have to experience it firsthand two days from now. if i had a phobia it would be the fear of loved ones passing away.

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