Terrified of Loved Ones Passing Away
My name is Karsyn and I am new to this app. i am a 17 year old female. Some background information: the only death that’s been in my life was either when i was too young to understand death or i didn’t know my family members who died like great aunts or third cousins. I have a very strong connection with my Grandpa ( Papa), he is my heart and soul. five years ago he started to have heart problems and during the past five years and until now i’ve become terrified of death. anytime i heard a phone ring i thought it was someone saying my Papa had died. anytime i got a notification on my phone, i thought it was a text saying he had died. this paranoia became so bad that anytime i was having fun i would randomly think my Papa had died and i would call him and cry. this paranoia has also taken over my dreams and i can’t sleep at night. i don’t know why i have these thoughts but the fear of losing the people i love the most has been crippling me for quite some time now. Earlier today I got a call from my mother. she told me that my Grandma ( Nina) had a cancerous mass in her colon and she had to get surgery two days from now. everyone else in my family is busy the day of her surgery, so i was told that i need to supervise my Nina in case she turns for the worst because i know how to call 911. My great grandpa died of colon cancer, but he died after his surgery. what if something goes wrong and i’m with my Nina when she dies? I have never dealt with the pain of a loved one dying before let alone dying right next to you. i hope i don’t have to experience it firsthand two days from now. if i had a phobia it would be the fear of loved ones passing away.
I can kind of relate to this. Different story but same fear. My Parents were separated when I was 8 and I lived with my Mum after. She died suddenly when I was 19 and it affected the rest of my life in terms of fear. I was never able to get married and didn't want to have Kids for fear they would die. It's completely irrational but I jsut couldn't go through that pain again. I can't even have a pet for fear it will die. I chose a guy I'm life who I thought would leave me, which suited me as I never wanted to be serious with someone but still here after 16 years 😊 I've calmed down now, but I'm now 46 and feel I wasted a long time being afraid of death. Not mine, others close to me. Please find someone to talk to about it, someone who can make you understand your feelings are normal. But how to not let them affect your life as much as it affected mine. I can't have kids at this age. It's a big regret.
Thank you so much for sharing @AllThingsCherry. So inspired to see how you have grown so much emotionally.
I definitely feel this , especially now with the pandemic. Family friends and neighbors have passed recently and ever since I’ve been very fearful that death could one day be knocking on our door it’s a fear that constantly follows me, more specifically when I shower or when it’s time to sleep my mind just runs with endless ideas to the point I start crying because nobody deserves to lose a loved one and I really feel it in my heart. It honestly sucks and I’m glad I’m not alone but talking to my bf about these feelings help, I’ve been looking to do some volunteer work or just being kind to people in need that’s how I’ve been dealing with it
@Karsynb90, so sorry to hear your grandma is not well. Hope her surgery goes well. Frankly speaking, death of a loved one is a painful and sad experience indeed . Even older people struggle through it , what more if it is a young person like you . You are just starting out to build a life for yourself , learning and seeing new experiences. Death sounds so permanent and scary. It's okay to be scared or to cry. Losing a loved one is never easy . But it is also equally important not to let this fear consume you. Then , you are not being fair to yourself. Allowing this fear to dominate your thoughts might prevent you from focusing on your own life, your studies and your own growth. Have you spoken to your parents about how you feel? Maybe as you share with them , you might get some insights on how they handle their own fears regarding your grandpa and grandma.