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Kat4474
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts14 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes2 Current upvotes2 Age GroupAdult Last activeNovember, 2021 Member sinceMarch 24, 2018
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Bipolar, Schizophrenia & Psychosis Support / by Kat4474
Last post
 March 14th, 2022
...See more Umm... hi, Im new to this so please bare with me. I was diagnosed at a young age with bipolar disorder, Severe anxiety and depression. I tend to have manic highs once every few months and depressive lows very frequently. As I am older i still have those diagnoses as well as PTSD and Insomnia. I am unsure what is causing some things I have realized over the years but i figured maybe someone here might have an idea so I can ask my doctor about what it could potentially be as we are kinda in the dark or maybe i just didnt word it right to them. When I was a child, I had very bad paranoia due to my anxiety to where I would force myself to stay awake for days at a time or until exhaustion would finally take over. There were times where I would feel panic all of sudden and feel as if I had been disconnected from the world and the things around me. I would feel as if I wasn't real and in a state of limbo almost. As if I were on the outside of my body looking at myself. This doesnt happen often for me but usually it happens when I am under a severe amount of stress or have an episode from my ptsd. This would usually trigger my anxiety and cause my body to force itself to stay awake as I would fear that if I fell asleep, I would simply stop existing. This still bothers me to this day and yet i have no clear answer on what it could be. There are times where I question myself, If i really am real or if I'm just dreaming. Or I'd have dreams that I couldn't tell apart from my reality. I have vivid dreams often and usually I'm pretty good about telling the dreams apart but sometimes I have a hard time doing so. Also at times I have experienced seeing little shadows at heavy exhaustion or even some days where I have gotten enough sleep the night before. The shadows dont happen often and Ive always either pushed them off as I was "too tired" or maybe I was just imagining it. The last time I experienced the shadows vividly was when I was sick at 8 years old and bedridden for the time being. I couldnt really hear them at the time but i felt as if they would laugh or snicker at me while doing so. they were the size of figurine, maybe a little bigger and would run across my legs. I have come across terms such as Psychosis, depersonalization or derealization and yet I end up spinning down this cycle unsure of what it really is that I am experiencing. So heres to hoping someone can help me understand what it really is that I am experiencing or could be experiencing. Any help would be appreciated.
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