KittyMe0wMe0w Member Profile

...See more It’s hard for me. I don’t want to do anything. I do not see the point of it. Every day starts the same: I wake up and think what do I even need to wake up for. I don’t want to see people, don’t want to talk, don’t want to pretend. I am tired of pretending. Sometimes I catch myself thinking that it doesn’t matter to me wether there’s gonna be tomorrow or not. I am not scared of it it’s just a fact. Like everything inside is long time burned with the last spark going out. I am tired of hopes. Tired of words like “everything’s gonna be alright”, when I myself don’t believe it. Tired of fighting emptiness that is stronger than me. Tired of pretending that I am coping, when I haven’t been coping for a long time. I don’t know why I need to go on. I don’t believe that something will change in the future. Everyone’s saying “hang on there”, “find a goal”, “talk to someone”, but is it really possible for someone to say something that will make my heart beat for real? I just want to lay down and sleep. Not for an hour. Not for a night. But forever. So that I don’t feel anything. So that no one expects anything from me. So that no one asks: “how are you?” Because I don’t have an answer. Sometimes I stare at the ceiling and think: “If I disappear, who would notice? Would anyone even notice in the first place?” I am tired of being weak. Tired of being empty. But I don’t have a strength to change myself neither. I just am. I don’t live. I just exist. And it’s the hardest part. … Thank you for listening. Meow.

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