Mumbling
It’s hard for me.
I don’t want to do anything. I do not see the point of it.
Every day starts the same: I wake up and think what do I even need to wake up for.
I don’t want to see people, don’t want to talk, don’t want to pretend.
I am tired of pretending.
Sometimes I catch myself thinking that it doesn’t matter to me wether there’s gonna be tomorrow or not.
I am not scared of it it’s just a fact.
Like everything inside is long time burned with the last spark going out.
I am tired of hopes.
Tired of words like “everything’s gonna be alright”, when I myself don’t believe it.
Tired of fighting emptiness that is stronger than me.
Tired of pretending that I am coping, when I haven’t been coping for a long time.
I don’t know why I need to go on.
I don’t believe that something will change in the future.
Everyone’s saying “hang on there”, “find a goal”, “talk to someone”, but is it really possible for someone to say something that will make my heart beat for real?
I just want to lay down and sleep.
Not for an hour.
Not for a night.
But forever.
So that I don’t feel anything. So that no one expects anything from me. So that no one asks: “how are you?”
Because I don’t have an answer.
Sometimes I stare at the ceiling and think:
“If I disappear, who would notice? Would anyone even notice in the first place?”
I am tired of being weak. Tired of being empty.
But I don’t have a strength to change myself neither.
I just am.
I don’t live.
I just exist.
And it’s the hardest part.
…
Thank you for listening.
Meow.
@KittyMe0wMe0w
First I want to say thank you for sharing, it's difficult to have the strength or bravery to share.
the sharpest, strongest, hardest, swords are forged in the hottest fires, and are back in the fire more than weaker swords. Don't judge yourself by the fire you're in but by the fires you survived.
Perhaps I am just rambling nonsense, but I hope if nothing else a single word brought you hope or comfort.
Hugs, love, and prayers! 🩵
Thank you so much for reading and for your kind words🤍🤍
@KittyMe0wMe0w
You are very welcome. While I most definitely don't have the same experience as you I can relate to some of the feeling and thoughts, it's never a great place to be, but perhaps we can be stronger versions of ourselves because of it. It also gives us the opportunity to find people to relate to and help, as well as be helped ourselves.
Much love and hugs! Bear, Capt, Floof.
I see you.
I hear you.
I care about you.
I don’t know you personally, but I know your suffering and pain. I care because you came here too looking something, anything to make it all worthwhile. All I know to say is that I care. It’s like being locked in a dark room and waiting for that void in your soul to be filled.
Please keep trying. Take a walk outside, breathe, and curl up with a pet ( I prefer cats). They need you too. Keep fighting. You’re stronger than you think. It takes real heart to get a forum and lay it all out. I believe in you. We the community believe in you.
