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LLP417
120 M Embraced 1
PathStep 2 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes0 Current upvotes0 Age GroupAdult Last activeAugust, 2023 Member sinceAugust 30, 2023
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Struggling with long term relationship
Relationship Stress / by LLP417
Last post
 August 31st, 2023
...See more Hi all, I've been struggling with my relationship lately and just need some outside perspective. We've been together over 10 years both in our mid thirties, not married, no kids but we have dogs. Over the past year or so I've been thinking a lot about what I want my future to look like. My brother recently got married and they're trying to have kids. I REALLY want to be a big part of that child's life. This would require me moving to wherever my brother and his wife are at, somewhere outside of the US. My partner has said he's willing to move with me, but I've realized that I don't want him to move with me. I've moved long distances before and I've traveled a lot so I don't expect to experience a lot of loneliness or culture shock wherever I end up. Plus my company has offices that would be convenient in a lot of locations, so I'd have a job too. My partner had not traveled outside of the US before being with me. His job is not mobile at all, he'd have to find something new in a country where he doesn't speak the language, it would be hard for him to find something. It would be easier for me to go abroad by myself, logistically, emotionally, financially. I'm not willing to sacrifice my financial goals to support him in a foreign country. I don't want to be his only person or source of entertainment there either. I've always wanted to experience living abroad and I just never envisioned doing it with a partner. I know I need to tell him this, but at this point it's essentially all hypothetical. I don't have a niece or nephew yet, I don't know where I'd be moving to yet, I don't even know when I'd be moving. Me saying I don't want him to move with me is essentially me breaking up with him, right? The thing is, I would feel guilty doing that before I really need to because he has a lot more to lose if we break up. I own our home and our car, he doesn't have the money to find a new place, and he doesn't really have any friends or family that he could stay with. At the same time knowing I feel this way and not saying anything feels like lying. I do love him, I just don't like being in a relationship like this anymore. How do I handle this in a way that doesn't just crush him?
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