Struggling with long term relationship
Hi all, I've been struggling with my relationship lately and just need some outside perspective.
We've been together over 10 years both in our mid thirties, not married, no kids but we have dogs. Over the past year or so I've been thinking a lot about what I want my future to look like.
My brother recently got married and they're trying to have kids. I REALLY want to be a big part of that child's life. This would require me moving to wherever my brother and his wife are at, somewhere outside of the US. My partner has said he's willing to move with me, but I've realized that I don't want him to move with me.
I've moved long distances before and I've traveled a lot so I don't expect to experience a lot of loneliness or culture shock wherever I end up. Plus my company has offices that would be convenient in a lot of locations, so I'd have a job too. My partner had not traveled outside of the US before being with me. His job is not mobile at all, he'd have to find something new in a country where he doesn't speak the language, it would be hard for him to find something.
It would be easier for me to go abroad by myself, logistically, emotionally, financially. I'm not willing to sacrifice my financial goals to support him in a foreign country. I don't want to be his only person or source of entertainment there either. I've always wanted to experience living abroad and I just never envisioned doing it with a partner.
I know I need to tell him this, but at this point it's essentially all hypothetical. I don't have a niece or nephew yet, I don't know where I'd be moving to yet, I don't even know when I'd be moving. Me saying I don't want him to move with me is essentially me breaking up with him, right? The thing is, I would feel guilty doing that before I really need to because he has a lot more to lose if we break up. I own our home and our car, he doesn't have the money to find a new place, and he doesn't really have any friends or family that he could stay with. At the same time knowing I feel this way and not saying anything feels like lying.
I do love him, I just don't like being in a relationship like this anymore. How do I handle this in a way that doesn't just crush him?
@LLP417 It seems that there is a lot to unravel as far as the relationship and living situation and it is not going to get any easier by waiting. If I found myself in this situation I would think of it as the sooner this ends the sooner both of us can find our true soulmate or other ideal situation. A very positive outcome is possible for both.
@LLP417
In a long term relationship there are many people who stay in situations because it feels OK or they love that person but perhaps are no longer IN love with that person. thinking about what ifs such as your brother having a child etc IMO just really brought to the surface that in long run you do not see this ..... In this situation some will try to rekindle the spark OR keep it going for the few good points in the relationship...
I think having a real discussion about where do you see this in X amount of years ?................... when your answers may differ.. then your partner may chose to look deep in themselves and see maybe this is not working anymore for them and can form a strategy/ plan in finances and choices....... instead of just a breakup and they feel rushed to make moving decisions or alternate items.