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I dont know if this is the right place to post this, and I don't even know where to start, it's such a long story, and I'm sure I will be judged before I am even understood, if I ever am really understood. So I might as well put it out there first, and then explain how i got where I am. Here goes. I am in my mid 20's, and have been having a physical relationship off and on for about 7 years with my brother who is about 2 years older than me. Before you start hating on him, this starting was 100% my fault, as I will explain below. We were always VERY close, we have always been best friends, and did everything together for as long as I can remember. I literally went nowhere without him growing up. He was my friend, my hero, and my protector, nobody messed with me in school, they knew better. So one day, he was involved in a 4 wheeler wreck, and broke his collar bones, a couple of ribs, and his elbow. When he came home, he was bedridden, and completely immobile with his arms and upper body tied up in traction for about 3 months before he could start physical therapy. Both my parents worked, so a lot of his care was taken care of by a nurse that would come by, and me. One night I went in his room to let him know our grandparents were coming by the next day to see him. He immediately yelled at me to get out and close the door. I had already seen what he was trying to hide. He had an erection under the sheets, and it was quite obvious. I turned off the light and left. I was SO embarrassed, and I knew he was too. I spent the next few minutes wondering how miserable he must be in there thinking about the situation and what had just happened. I went back to his door and knocked, when he said "what?" I cracked the door and told him I would leave the light off, but I wanted to talk to him. I told him I was sorry and not to be embarrassed. He told me he couldn't help it, that he and his girlfriend had broken up a couple of weeks before his accident, and so it had been about a month since he had any type of sexual contact of any kind, and obviously he couldn't "take care of it himself". I told him I understood, and that we would never speak of it again, and I left. I went to my room and called one of my friends that I knew had a crush on him, and straight up asked her for a big favor. As bad as she wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to do it. About an hour or so went by, everyone had gone to bed, and I couldn't sleep knowing he was in there like that, especially knowing my grandparents were coming the next day. So I went in there, left the lights off, I told him he would do the same for me, and to be quiet because he would get me in trouble, and I reached under the covers and took care of the situation. We talked for a few minutes, and we swore to never say anything to each other or anyone else, and then I left. Over the next couple of months I would sneak in there at night and at first it was just like the first time, just the deed, then basically clean up, and run out. Then one night I was tired of holding myself up, so I laid my head on his chest while doing it. It felt so nice laying with him, listening to him breathe, and knowing I was making him feel good. I think it was the next time that I finished him with my mouth for the first time. He was so loud I knew we were going to get caught, but we didn't. Things continues to escalate, I also broke up with my boyfriend, and one night it went all the way. When i started taking my shorts off he said we can't do that, and that was too far, but i didnt listen, i climbed on top of him and took him inside of me. I laid down on him for a minute and we were talking, I started moving a little and asked was it ok, and he said yes, so I did. It was literally the best 10 minutes or so of my life to that point. That happened a few times before his physical therapy started, and I thought that was the end of it once he was able to get around. Obviously it wasn't. About a month later I was in my room and he texted me and asked me if I could come here for a minute. When I walked in he told me to lock the door. He pulled his covers back and told me to come here. I didnt even think, I just turned the light of and got in bed with him. It felt so good to know he wanted me. I had been struggling with feeling like I had taken advantage of him, and to submit to him was so wonderful. We were together twice that night. He kept telling me how much he had missed our nights and that he knew it was wrong, but he just couldn't take it anymore. He told me he loved me, and for the first time ever it didnt feel like brother-sister love, it felt like everything-love. Now we just can't stop. We have both tried to date other people, but we just can't. I have never felt so loved on all levels as I do with him, and I just don't know what to do. He moved to the Atlanta area for work, and I spent every waking moment looking for a job in my field that would lead me here to be with him, but i couldn't find anything. One time i told my parents i was coming here for an interview, just so I could visit him for the weekend, and while I was here, he asked me to quit my job and come stay with him, and he would take care of me. I have been here ever since. I am working now, but not in my field, I just work the lunch shift at a local restaurant/bar as a waitress, so I can be home when he gets home. It is all just so crazy. Everyone we know here thinks we are married because our last name is the same. We do no social media because we fear people will find out. Our parents are constantly hounding us about when they are going to meet our "friends", they always ask me when I am going to find a husband, or when he is going to give them another grandchild (our older brother has 2, but I cant have kids due to endometriosis)......I wish there was a way for our family to know, and to understand our love. It really is a beautiful thing, it's just so taboo. Anyway, that's it. I'm sure there is no way to "fix" this, because neither of us would be willing to end what we have, and no one would ever understand and accept it. I guess we just keep things the way they are and be happy together in secret. But at least I have it off my chest to some extent.
