I just have to say it out loud, even if this isn't exactly speaking.....
I dont know if this is the right place to post this, and I don't even know where to start, it's such a long story, and I'm sure I will be judged before I am even understood, if I ever am really understood. So I might as well put it out there first, and then explain how i got where I am. Here goes. I am in my mid 20's, and have been having a physical relationship off and on for about 7 years with my brother who is about 2 years older than me. Before you start hating on him, this starting was 100% my fault, as I will explain below. We were always VERY close, we have always been best friends, and did everything together for as long as I can remember. I literally went nowhere without him growing up. He was my friend, my hero, and my protector, nobody messed with me in school, they knew better. So one day, he was involved in a 4 wheeler wreck, and broke his collar bones, a couple of ribs, and his elbow. When he came home, he was bedridden, and completely immobile with his arms and upper body tied up in traction for about 3 months before he could start physical therapy. Both my parents worked, so a lot of his care was taken care of by a nurse that would come by, and me. One night I went in his room to let him know our grandparents were coming by the next day to see him. He immediately yelled at me to get out and close the door. I had already seen what he was trying to hide. He had an erection under the sheets, and it was quite obvious. I turned off the light and left. I was SO embarrassed, and I knew he was too. I spent the next few minutes wondering how miserable he must be in there thinking about the situation and what had just happened. I went back to his door and knocked, when he said "what?" I cracked the door and told him I would leave the light off, but I wanted to talk to him. I told him I was sorry and not to be embarrassed. He told me he couldn't help it, that he and his girlfriend had broken up a couple of weeks before his accident, and so it had been about a month since he had any type of sexual contact of any kind, and obviously he couldn't "take care of it himself". I told him I understood, and that we would never speak of it again, and I left. I went to my room and called one of my friends that I knew had a crush on him, and straight up asked her for a big favor. As bad as she wanted to, she couldn't bring herself to do it. About an hour or so went by, everyone had gone to bed, and I couldn't sleep knowing he was in there like that, especially knowing my grandparents were coming the next day. So I went in there, left the lights off, I told him he would do the same for me, and to be quiet because he would get me in trouble, and I reached under the covers and took care of the situation. We talked for a few minutes, and we swore to never say anything to each other or anyone else, and then I left. Over the next couple of months I would sneak in there at night and at first it was just like the first time, just the deed, then basically clean up, and run out. Then one night I was tired of holding myself up, so I laid my head on his chest while doing it. It felt so nice laying with him, listening to him breathe, and knowing I was making him feel good. I think it was the next time that I finished him with my mouth for the first time. He was so loud I knew we were going to get caught, but we didn't. Things continues to escalate, I also broke up with my boyfriend, and one night it went all the way. When i started taking my shorts off he said we can't do that, and that was too far, but i didnt listen, i climbed on top of him and took him inside of me. I laid down on him for a minute and we were talking, I started moving a little and asked was it ok, and he said yes, so I did. It was literally the best 10 minutes or so of my life to that point. That happened a few times before his physical therapy started, and I thought that was the end of it once he was able to get around. Obviously it wasn't. About a month later I was in my room and he texted me and asked me if I could come here for a minute. When I walked in he told me to lock the door. He pulled his covers back and told me to come here. I didnt even think, I just turned the light of and got in bed with him. It felt so good to know he wanted me. I had been struggling with feeling like I had taken advantage of him, and to submit to him was so wonderful. We were together twice that night. He kept telling me how much he had missed our nights and that he knew it was wrong, but he just couldn't take it anymore. He told me he loved me, and for the first time ever it didnt feel like brother-sister love, it felt like everything-love. Now we just can't stop. We have both tried to date other people, but we just can't. I have never felt so loved on all levels as I do with him, and I just don't know what to do. He moved to the Atlanta area for work, and I spent every waking moment looking for a job in my field that would lead me here to be with him, but i couldn't find anything. One time i told my parents i was coming here for an interview, just so I could visit him for the weekend, and while I was here, he asked me to quit my job and come stay with him, and he would take care of me. I have been here ever since. I am working now, but not in my field, I just work the lunch shift at a local restaurant/bar as a waitress, so I can be home when he gets home. It is all just so crazy. Everyone we know here thinks we are married because our last name is the same. We do no social media because we fear people will find out. Our parents are constantly hounding us about when they are going to meet our "friends", they always ask me when I am going to find a husband, or when he is going to give them another grandchild (our older brother has 2, but I cant have kids due to endometriosis)......I wish there was a way for our family to know, and to understand our love. It really is a beautiful thing, it's just so taboo. Anyway, that's it. I'm sure there is no way to "fix" this, because neither of us would be willing to end what we have, and no one would ever understand and accept it. I guess we just keep things the way they are and be happy together in secret. But at least I have it off my chest to some extent.
Well, we had an ironic turn of events. Our parents decided to come visit us for the weekend with about 4 hours notice. No big deal, just ironic with me speaking about this for the first time. On a funny note, my mom was in awe of how "neat" I keep "my room" and how messy my brother's room is. I told her I straightened it up so they could stay in there, and I would stay in my brother's room. After talking with him yesterday, and with me being all in my feelings about all of this, I think we are going to try to tell them everything tomorrow before they go home. I just dont want to live a lie anymore, but I just cant give up our relationship, even at the expense of having people angry or disappointed with us. I truly believe they will forgive us eventually. I dont know if anyone is even reading all of this craziness, but I will keep you posted on how it goes. Wish me luck, my dad has a whole "family day" planned where we have to act normal, and pray we dont run into anyone we know. Stress level 1000.
@LPeters339 goodluck! im hoping whatever happens will be for the best for you guys!👍
@LPeters339 hows it go
@LPeters339 let us know how it went. i am pretty sure your parents were not in the dark about this. best of luck, that is a very difficult sitution! i had similiar feelings for my brother for years.mever acted on it. and just recently found out he's my HALF brother.
I think what you 2 have is beautiful.
Well, it went as good as I could've hoped. We asked them to sit with us in the den, that we needed to talk to them. My brother told them he needed 10 minutes to tell them something and explain, then he would answer any questions they had. He pretty much handled it all. They sat there and listened. They squirmed a little, and were obviously trying to make sense of the timelines as he went over our complete history (without any x-rated details).....He said things to them he had never even said to me about the way he felt about me. He even told them that to him, I didnt even seem like another person, that I felt like an extension of himself. I pretty much just sat there, held his hand, and cried. I was so scared of what their reaction would be, but it also felt so good to hear him vocalize his feelings for me to someone else. We all just sat there and talked for probably about 30 minutes. I think my mom summed it all up when she told us we had always been this way. She reminded us of how when we were little, and one of us did something wrong, we would both take the blame so the other one wouldn't be punished, or we would be punished together. She said that used to make her so mad. Then she said, "Well, it has always been you two against the world, I guess it might as well stay that way". My dad was pretty quiet, but he did say at one point that he wasn't that surprised, and that if this is who we wanted to be, and who we wanted to be with, then it's no one's business, and that his goal in life was to make sure we were safe and happy. Oh, and my mom also said at one point that she had always told us no one would ever be good enough to date her children, but this wasnt exactly what she meant, and she kinda laughed.... Like I said, it went as well as I could've hoped for. As for now, we aren't disowned, and they both hugged us about 20 times and kept telling us how much they loved us. When they left, we called our brother and told him, his reaction was about the same, a little shocked, not really giving us his blessings, but not condemning us for it either. He said he had always been jealous of how close we were, but he never knew we were THAT close. My mom did say she was disappointed that she wouldn't have any more grandkids if things stayed this way (I cant have children naturally due to female problems) I told my mom that my best friend had always told me she would donate eggs when I wanted a child, and that it would be awesome and an honor if I carried a baby that was partly hers. That is not something i am ready for right now, but it would be an option if we ever did decide to have a kid. I have to go for now. Thank all of you for your support, and giving me someone to talk to without judgment.
@LPeters339
Simply amazed at your parents, that there are actually people who would accept that. I mean that in a good way. I am glad everything turned out well. It might be something crazy for many people, but I don't think there is anything wrong when you love someone.
@LPeters339 good fucking shit. happy for you guys
Yes, my parents are awesome. It certainly went way better than expected. My mom has called a few times and asked questions, which I answered honestly, without being too graphic. I think she is actually really okay with it all, and in a weird way comforted to know we take care of each other. She has always been worried about us dating people they wouldn't approve of, so I guess she doesn't have to worry about that anymore. Lol. The subject of children seems to be on her mind, and she keeps asking about that. She wanted to know if my best friend would be willing to donate eggs if she knew the whole situation. I told her I think she would. My dad has not had anything to say about all of this, he just calls and we talk the same way we always have. I guess my next move is to have a conversation with my bff and see what her reaction is going to be. I dont plan on telling anyone else right now other than her. If any of you care to know, I can keep you posted, it has definitely helped me vocalizing my feelings here before doing it in the real world. Thanks again for all of the support and messages!
Hello all. I wanted to give an update. Everything is still great with my family, and I told my best friend and she was very supportive. Of course she jokes on me all the time now about it, but it is very lighthearted, and never in public. At this point no one other than her and my family knows. About a month ago she and I discussed the idea of kids, and she reiterated the fact she would donate eggs when I am ready, and that my relationship situation didnt change anything. She and my brother have always been friends, but there has always been a jealous tension between the two of them, basically because they both wanted my attention. Now that she understands why my brother and I were always "attached at the hip" as she calls it, we have settled into a really good place, and the two of them get along great. Anyway, in the last few weeks I have been looking into the costs involved in in vitro fertilization, and that was a complete shock. Definitely not in the cards right now. My friend told me that worst case, she could do it the "old fashioned way" and then carry the baby for me. Her only concern was having an attachment with the baby after carrying it, which would make it hard to be just an "auntie" or something. So, I dont know. I guess we will just see, neither of us has mentioned anything about that to him yet, I'm still trying to put myself in her shoes, and also wrap my head around the two of them being "physical" with each other if we went the natural route. I trust both of them completely, and I know it would be for a greater purpose, but the woman in me cant get a handle on my emotions surrounding the thought of it. One minute, I am eternally grateful to have a friend willing to do anything for me to have a child, on the other hand I think I would still be jealous. Now I spend a lot of time trying to decide if I would want to be in the room or not, and crazy stuff like that. What i do know, is that i do want a baby, and soon, and because of my female issues, I cant have one myself, so I need to figure this out soon, and find some peace. Sorry to ramble on and on, just needed to vent, and this isn't an easy conversation to have with the people closest to me. Thanks for listening, and I will keep you posted if you care to hear about my craziness.
