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Lavendercatbooks
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PathStep 1 Compassion hearts7 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes4 Current upvotes4 Age GroupAdult Last activeDecember, 2021 Member sinceDecember 13, 2021
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Don’t take the argument personally
Relationship Stress / by Lavendercatbooks
Last post
 December 14th, 2021
...See more I have been married to my husband for 5 years and things are good but our communications stinks. At least once a week, something small thing (like me not responding fast enough) “sets him off.” Then he starts to yell and it becomes a fight/ argument. When I do respond during these situations it seems to amp him up more or is taken the wrong way (no matter what I say or how I say it). When I don’t respond, it amps him up too. (Growing up, whenever my mom and I got into an argument - I wouldn’t say anything because it was always taken as “back talk” or having an attitude.) He engages in the following: Name calling (selfish, immature, etc.), brings up topics from other times/ situations from the past (that have already been talked about multiple times), and reminding me how much financial support he gave during the beginning of our relationship while I was finishing grad school. He says that his “blow ups” aren’t really about me and more about him/ work (I am the only one he really talks to/ sees besides employees). I try my best not to take them personally but it is hard not to be affected. It takes me a few days after to regulate emotionally/ mentally and he thinks I shouldn’t need to do that because it isn’t about me. I would appreciate any advice, direction, or anything.
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