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LickingSaltLamps
189 M Embraced 1
PathStep 9 Compassion hearts20 Forum posts13 Forum upvotes10 Current upvotes10 Age GroupAdult Last activeSeptember, 2022 Member sinceJuly 7, 2020
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Where to go from here?
Relationship Stress / by LickingSaltLamps
Last post
 September 18th, 2022
...See more Sorry for the long one but here it goes.. Over 2 weeks ago my partner and I both proposed to each other. For once in my life I’m in a good spot so I have the ability to plan my future. Everything felt just right until I saw something I shouldn’t have and it all blew up. It wasn’t cheating ‘exactly’, but definitely not okay by any means. Since then my trust is broken and I feel extremely paranoid there’s something else I don’t know about. I hate feeling like this though because with this guy I’ve almost always felt secure, while with my daughter’s father always found a way to cheat. My obvious prior trauma has now taken the driver’s seat so now I’m micro analyzing everything he does and losing my mind. After a week break I went back and he apologized profusely, but because we’ve been moving him into my place he pretty much told me my feelings weren’t a priority and I needed to put them on the back burner even though I’ve supported him through so much these past 6 months. He hasn’t really done anything to make me feel like I can trust him again and this all hurts. All we’ve been doing is packing then fighting in between sleep. I have a therapy session booked for the 28th but that was the soonest I could get in, I’m feeling very self destructive right now like I want to lash out and hurt him back though I know it won’t accomplish anything. I’ve tried burying myself in hobbies and exercise to stop obsessing but it’s not helping. Up until he was a great partner but the whole foundation of our relationship is gone and I’m wondering if this was the right choice…
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Relationship breaking point?
Relationship Stress / by LickingSaltLamps
Last post
 June 22nd, 2022
...See more Long rant. I need to vent more than anything...TLDR at the bottom. My partner and I have been together for a year and a half. We’re both over 30 with two 7 year old daughters each from prior relationships so we know what we want from a life partner and have discussed our life plans with one another. I knew coming into the relationship that he was separated but not divorced due to not having the money to file, a home in both their names, etc. She became a lesbian so I wasn’t worried about him going back. Present day we’re fighting a lot about the rate at which this is being dragged out, we both own homes and are paying two separate mortgages but are splitting time between our houses. Some days spent apart. Ex had been gone from home since before we started dating so he’s been solely responsible for mortgage on their home. I feel a rift because I don’t know any couples who don’t live together after a year or spend day alone and the financial strain is a lot especially with gas prices rising. It’d be so much easier if he could resolve the divorce, sell, pay off his debts, and we could start splitting bills at my place because I’m (mostly) debt free. I want to move on with life. Getting nervous. She finally files for divorce asking for half the house even though she hasn’t paid on it since 2019 and child support though they split 50/50 custody. Also claiming abuse, I know my boyfriend he couldn’t hurt me even if I punched all his teeth out. Another big fight because if he had filed first we could control the narrative. Had offered to pay the fees but kept claiming she would never do that… he’s too nice. I’m tired. Willing to offer her half the house, don’t even care anymore. Nope, she’s making it personal even though she was cheating for the almost the entirety of their marriage. I’ve been on leave from my terrible job. I was lied to about the job description and left my amazing job/boss for something horrific all for pay. Regrets. New job triggers seizures, vertigo, and migraines due to stress and live in az so heat makes it worse. Boyfriend is super supportive but 3 brain scans and constant doctor appointments make it scary for us. I get overwhelmed with the kids easily and he thinks I should stop pushing myself to try to spend soo much quality time with them (I feel parent guilt). Need to find a new job but instability + outbursts causes more fighting again. Lots of interviews but want out of corporate and to finish degree. Only 2 classes left… I have an IUD but turns out last big fight is a pregnancy scare. We both want it one day, but can be etopic, exposed to hormones, etc. Possible cause of crazy mood swings. Even if viable probably not the right time. I feel bad for thinking that, I don’t tell him that but lash out just the same. He can’t go to appointment with me because of Covid restrictions, but I get mad when I find out he was home watching porn while I was at the doctor freaking out. Waiting on the blood test for yes or no. I storm out of his without saying goodbye or I love you. I ignore his I love you text last night. TLDR: My Friends say this is make or break time in a relationship. I’m frustrated with boyfriend for procrastinating but have had health issues so I’ve had crazy mood swings too. I need to come up with a battle plan to make amends or determine if this is the partner I want to continue on my life path with. Normally we have great communication skills but all we do is fight lately, a lot of outside stressors and not much healing happening. Can’t afford therapy with all the other doctor bills or even reach a reliable therapist in network (takes a whole month to hear back :/)
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