LifelD239 Member Profile

My fav singer is...

Music & Dance / by LifelD239

June 9th

Miradas

Reading & Writing / by LifelD239

June 3rd

I'm nervous about doing theraphy once again...

7 Cups Online Therapy / by LifelD239

February 24th

...See more Yeah I'm nervous. Tomorrow I have a meeting/interview so they can let me in. It may be possible I start going there this week... I talked with my psychiatrist about it. We reached to an agreement that the best thing for me is going there three days per week. Gym class, yoga, music theraphy and maybe TO(oh lol I mean occupational theraphy) I'm still not sure about the other theraphies. I have to decide it there in the interview maybe... I'm nervous because of many reasons, I'm new once again, I know some people there but I'm still nervous because this time I don't want to go there and make friends of all of the people there. I want to feel more at easy with sharing my issues there. i always fought back when it comes to sharing delicate issues. like family issues, and personal insecurities... Also there's a girl and I'm sorry for saying this, I can't stand her... and she knows it. One of the reasons I'm nervous about is this... I'm afraid she may be confrontative with me or something like that... but from what I know this is a place where you should feel safe and the young woman who spends her time with the people there, the one who works with the people makes the space as safe as possible... idk I may be afraid to feel awkward around this person but anyways. i didn't have a problem with the other people I know from a year ago doing theraphy with me... so... I'm not going to be i'm the institution all day, just be there for the ones I like the most. I don't know if I'm forgetting to write something more about how I feel about all this... I'm nervous guysss! Once again hahaha. Fingers crossed 🤞

I ended up blocking him(possible bf once again) he said to me that...

General Support / by LifelD239

February 17th

...See more He told me "you're worth less, you're a waste of time" after I blocked him everywhere and then he sent me that sms. That was the last thing that he had wrote me. El último portazo. I wrote something long to him about the limits I have set regarding intimate things related to having sex*** chat. I just want to think that in time he will regret having told me that since I have told him that I deal with my own things, things that have to do with mental health, thoughts that lead me to have low self-esteem and he said those things to me anyways... Thing is all started when he said "youre complicated haha" I told him he was wrong I'm not I'm not the one whos *** all the time to get s*x*** and his response to me offended me I said to him that hurt me and it's not like I don't care about the other one as he told me "And what about what I feel?" Then I got anxious I was crying and shaking. It was all at night via a famous app. Before that, he said he meant it in a funny way the "youre complicated" line but how? Like how would I know it was a joke like he says... Like you can't know It. There's no voice, no tone. I have put him some limits I don't want to get into topic but he said " it's like if you sended me something and youre eager for me to see it and I don't even open it..." He said more stuff. He also wanted for us to meet next day and go to a motel to have s*x*** he said I shouldn't lie(i didn't want to lie about it) that I could say we we're going to a spa session... but he would give me the spa session, I said Nono. And then he said the line youre complicated... It's long to explain all. We have met in a theraphy sesiones with many other people. He was a really sweet guy with me I always felt he was always good with other girls. He was so into me... That at times it was so much for me. He had a long travel to meet me when we were together. I remember one time he treated me bad via this app. He said something nasty about my brother and more things that were in a bad manner and that also stressed me. I didn't want to talk with him then, it was so close to my birthday and I was having oculogyric crisis a lot because of meds. Also he didn't reach out for me anyways... Then after some time he contacted me via other social media and well I ended up falling for him... I gave him a second chance. I feel like there's no turning back he won't apologize once again... He said one time after hurting me he didn't want to hurt me and he did it past Sunday.

Hi

Newbie Hub / by LifelD239

February 12th, 2020

...See more This is the first time I post here. I guess I'm doing this after some time of having this account, don't know if in some time I probably shout it down because well, it's me that's what i tend to do... I always get overwhelmed to post on public, community wich I never end up doing. Lately I been at my lowest, numb, empty and feeling like shutting myself from the world and just stay in my comfort zone(if I can call it like that) wich is home. I struggle to go out. I have constant anxiety. I overthink, I guess I have ruminant thoughts and guess I may highly be neurotic? I don't know, I never been diagnosed with it, I quit going to sessions like a year ago or more, I can't bring myself to do it not now.. I know that going out to most people and do normal things such as going to the store, buy something, go to work, go to study, take public transport isn't that much of a big deal. For me it is, I can't even take public transport or that's how I feel like because I'm such a mess inside. I try to go out even if I'm at my lowest like these days, to walk my dog or buy something wich is way more of a big deal because I have to socialize. I don't have any friends. It's not a feeling. I'm actually alone. I don't have any human connections wich makes everything way more difficult. I'm painfully shy and intrusive. Even talking makes me ashamed because I don't basically feel good in my own skin, my smile, my teeths, my body, my thinness, my voice, my imperfect skin, not being conventionally beauty because I'm far from being a naturally beauty if it's not for the make up, to cover my horrid dark shadows, and lighten my eyes and this makes me incredibly insecure, nowdays I rarely take pictures of myself wich I used to do more often in the past. It's like my whole behaviour screams low selfesteem in all different body language.. and I know I look like that because most of the time people from past were in they manner hurtful or thats what I felt like, maybe I been overdramatic I don't know.. that's the experience at least I had in highschool with professors or other girls or older people as well with not being that much of a great student anyway.. I don't know, shyness in a world like this doesn't help at all. I don't relate that much to people. I don't even know if "I want to get better" is what I want anymore. I don't sleep early I can sleep really late, thats when anxiety hits me, palpitations, scared, crying, overthinking. I been like this for years It just got worse. I don't even now if maybe I like being like this, or I'm just a lifeless dead. Always unmotivated in some way. I'm a gigant coward when it comes to live my life. And the things I do to improve, they feel empty to me not a progress, not a little step not anything. My fathers think I'm just lazy or that's the way I am. I wont even try talking with them since the day my mother laughted at me when I said to her I was so depressed one time when I was younger. I'm probably embarrassing myself for posting this and for my bad english. I just feel like I need a friend but who really cares I don't think I'm going to find it here and it's not like I care much finding it anyway.

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