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LillyA2005
1 98 M Embraced 1
PathStep 1 Compassion hearts8 Forum posts1 Forum upvotes1 Current upvotes1 Age GroupAdult Last activeOctober, 2026 Member sinceOctober 8, 2026
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My boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me, and I don't know how to feel
Relationship Stress / by LillyA2005
Last post
 3 days ago
...See more About two months ago, I discovered that my boyfriend had paid another woman for sex while I was away.  When I confronted him, he initially denied having sex with her. He only told me the truth after I kept pushing him for seven days. We have been together for six years and live together. We're both in our early twenties, and he has autism. After everything happened, I made him get tested for STls. I also needed to know exactly what had happened and where, because I couldn't stand the thought of sleeping in our bed or sitting on the couch where they might have had sex. We ended up getting a new couch. What confuses me most is my own reaction. I expected to be devastated and for the decision to leave him to be obvious, but instead, I felt almost numb. I cried very little. Sometimes I was angry, and other times I even laughed because I felt like he couldn't hide anything from me. We also had a lot of sex afterward. I think part of me wanted to prove that I was better than the other woman, and part of me just wanted to feel something instead of being numb all the time. Now, I'm trying to forgive him. He is trying to improve himself, has stopped smoking and using weed, and is making more effort to be present for me. We act pretty much like we used to, but I still have moments when everything comes back. Recently, I couldn't even watch the first episode of Game of Thrones with him because of the nudity. I think about the fact that he cheated almost every day, but sometimes I feel nothing at all. I don't know if I'm genuinely starting to move on, if I'm suppressing my feelings, or if I just haven't fully processed what happened yet. The hardest part is that I have nobody to talk to about this. Our friends and family don't know, and most people around us are connected to him. My own family lives three hours away, I don't drive, and I sometimes feel lonely because I live close to his family but don't have my own support system nearby. I don't want to discuss it with my coworkers either. I just want to talk to someone outside the relationship who doesn't already know him. I'd really appreciate honest opinions. Has anyone experienced something similar? I'm struggling to understand my own feelings and would really like to hear other people's perspectives.
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