LiminalSummer913 Member Profile

...See more I have a pretty long history of people being emotionally inconsistent and abusive, and as a result, I've developed pretty significant anxieties around losing people in my life or disappointing them in any way. It's become a nearly paralyzing thing, and at times has kept me in very abusive relationships. Anyway, about two months ago, my partner of two years suddenly decided to break up with me, after months of us discussing the idea of getting married. I had a complete tailspin but have been really proud of myself for recovering as much as I have in such a short amount of time; I even recently started casually dating, deciding that before I would enter into another serious relationship, I would give myself some time to explore and figure out what I want from a romantic partner. This was a really helpful process for me until I ended up meeting one person in particular. I would say that we have a friends-with-benefits relationship, where we hook up whenever we're together, but we also spend hours talking and genuinely enjoy each other's company. She sometimes spends the night, we go out on actual "dates" every once in a while, and we have good chemistry. I don't even know if I have romantic feelings for her, or if I just feel a strong emotional attachment - the idea of her sleeping with other people or spending time with her recent ex never bothers me, and I don't think I'd be upset if she said she wanted to stop having sex. But I do find myself feeling ridiculously anxious about her suddenly not returning my texts, or deciding she doesn't want to spend time with me anymore, and that anxiety has been significant enough that when we are spending time together I get tense and anxious. I've been seeing other people for the past month or so and haven't had this problem with anyone else. I'm frequently calculating how long I have to wait before texting her, how eager/quickly she gets back to me, and trying to gauge whether she likes actually spending time with me or is just interested in the sexual aspect of our relationship. It's too soon for me to enter into another relationship, and I wouldn't consider myself emotionally available (neither is she), but our relationship feels weirdly intense and I think if she was to leave I would spiral. I recognize that this is kind of a pattern with me, where I "choose" certain people and become very anxious about them leaving. Does anyone else have this issue, and if so, how do you handle it? Do you think I should step away from this relationship or ask to just be friends?

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