Separation Anxiety and Fears of Abandonment - Help?

Im terrified of the thought that someone would leave me, Its come to a point where I cannot walk alone in school or out somewhere as I feel no one is waiting for me

@LiminalSummer913

Hey there, hopefully you are doing well. There's a few things I would like to point out;

I have a pretty long history of people being emotionally inconsistent and abusive, (This probably started during your childhood, its the behavior you experienced while growing up, so it becomes familiar and your blueprint for love) and as a result, I've developed pretty significant anxieties around losing people in my life or disappointing them in any way. (I believe you often perceived and experienced abandonment growing up such as people not being attentive to you, not making you feel heard/understood, not being curious about your feelings, and often they would withdraw love from you. There's a chance you were punished when you did something wrong by withdrawing love and not being attentive to you. You would probably end up surpressing your needs, feelings and wants for the other person because it would give you athleast one thing which is them not abandoning you) It's become a nearly paralyzing thing, and at times has kept me in very abusive relationships. (We are attracted to whats familiar, so if those kind of relationship is what you saw growing up, then its going to feel normal since you didn't see what a loving relationship is. You are also afraid of being alone, your unmet needs staying unmet, and starting all over so it makes you stay in these relationships) Anyway, about two months ago, my partner of two years suddenly decided to break up with me, (It might have feel suddenly to you, but this person has been contemplating breaking up for a long time) after months of us discussing the idea of getting married. I had a complete tailspin but have been really proud of myself for recovering as much as I have in such a short amount of time; I even recently started casually dating, deciding that before I would enter into another serious relationship, I would give myself some time to explore and figure out what I want from a romantic partner.

This was a really helpful process for me until I ended up meeting one person in particular. I would say that we have a friends-with-benefits relationship, where we hook up whenever we're together, but we also spend hours talking and genuinely enjoy each other's company. She sometimes spends the night, we go out on actual "dates" every once in a while, and we have good chemistry. I don't even know if I have romantic feelings for her, or if I just feel a strong emotional attachment - the idea of her sleeping with other people or spending time with her recent ex never bothers me, and I don't think I'd be upset if she said she wanted to stop having sex. But I do find myself feeling ridiculously anxious about her suddenly not returning my texts, or deciding she doesn't want to spend time with me anymore, and that anxiety has been significant enough that when we are spending time together I get tense and anxious. (This is called Hypervigilance, its looking for every sign possible of the other person possibly leaving you because the thought of abandonment or space terrifies you) I've been seeing other people for the past month or so and haven't had this problem with anyone else. I'm frequently calculating how long I have to wait before texting her, how eager/quickly she gets back to me, and trying to gauge whether she likes actually spending time with me or is just interested in the sexual aspect of our relationship. (Your emotions and feelings are starting to be engaged here, so this is where the closeness issue begins where you think about those things in an attempt to make her stay by using some techniques) It's too soon for me to enter into another relationship, and I wouldn't consider myself emotionally available (neither is she), but our relationship (It's not a relationship) feels weirdly intense and I think if she was to leave I would spiral. (This tells me a bond and connection is starting to form here. I believe you could be projecting unmet needs on her, and the thought of her leaving you would affect you in a way where it would feel like a breakup. I also believe you might not love or feel validation in yourself, so its coming from her) I recognize that this is kind of a pattern with me, where I "choose" certain people and become very anxious about them leaving. (This is mainly because in the past you felt abandoned and neglected, it was not healed, so the past its taking over your present) Does anyone else have this issue, and if so, how do you handle it? (I know a lot of people who go through this, you are not alone with this situation. You probably have childhood wounds and hurt that has not healed and its taking over the present. You will feel anxiety the deeper a connection and bond goes, it will make you behave "too nice" in an attempt to make them stay, you will talk on eggshells and then the relationship turns one-sided) Do you think I should step away from this relationship or ask to just be friends? (What I really suggest is seeking a therapist to help you overcome your childhood wounds and hurt because everything you feel starts there)