Livejinxed Member Profile

...See more Hi all. A few days ago, my boyfriend of a year and a half broke up with me after we moved from my home state all the way to Texas barely a month ago. He, 22m and I 26f had something I genuinely found beautiful and rare. I believed we would work through anything. But I’m the one that broke the camels back. I’m still in shock that he did what I was most afraid of after 3 1/2 weeks of taking me from my support system. I have my issues. I have unmedicated anxiety and ADHD. Been unmedicated for a while due to insurance issues. I had actually just been approved for insurance back home, but then we moved and it was back to square one. I like to drink, he was a heavy smoker and an ex addict from some pretty hard stuff. He had bipolar disorder (medicated) and some very bad anger issues. To the point where we would go weeks with arguments every other day that stemmed from his extreme irritability over basic life things. But still, I always gave him time to come back and plenty of support and love and reassurance that I understood. This was the case for most of the relationship, but it got very difficult once we moved. I was in a very fragile very anxious state of mind and his inability to give me the support and selflessness I have to him made me question things for a bit. Then, per usual, as an afterthought, he came back and apologized and promised he’d do better. As I said, I like to drink. I used to use it as an unhealthy coping mechanism, but I grew past that. Now, every once in a while, I’ll get drunk and listen to good music and clean the house. Simply because I enjoy doing that. Well, that’s the reason he broke things off. I was cleaning in the kitchen with my headphones on and I didn’t come to bed when he wanted me to. Initially he tried to send me home while he stayed here, but I have a dog and a car and a responsibility here so he was the one that left. After a few days, I realized I simply cannot stay here alone after all. Wages suck in my area and it’s not very populated, so it’s quite unsafe and unsustainable as a young woman on her own. I’m considering reaching out and offering to let him come back once I’m gone. But he wants nothing to do with me. I’m blocked on everything. I didn’t handle the breakup well in person, but I guess I expected he’d give me a little time like I always did for him to calm down. Seeing as he’s 4 years younger than me, I suppose I shouldn’t have fallen for the maturity I believed him to have. I knew he had a lot of growing to do, just like me and everyone else, and I never disrespected, insulted, or dismissed him the way he did me when he was having irritability spells. But at the same time, those things would make him unable to be there for me when I was in low points mentally. I feel utterly betrayed and abandoned. I had made things very clear with him that my biggest fear was taking this leap of faith and ending up alone in an unknown place. It took him 3 1/2 weeks. There have been times where he made me feel so small I told him I wasn’t sure if we could move past it. His response was always “we can work through anything, you’re my person, I’ll get help, please stay” Now I just feel silly. I took such a risk because I believed in him. I see the light in people firstly and I often accept the shadows and the potential that they hold to heal and grow. I know I’m not perfect, *** I’ve been through some crazy things so I’m very well aware of my damage but I do not ever take it out on anyone. I just take some time to myself to let loose. Always safely. Always with an end goal in mind, and never in a hurtful way. I’m at a loss.

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